Three years ago, she stood on the street beside Columbine High School and watched helplessly as student gunmen on a rampage killed 12 classmates and a teacher while injuring dozens of others in the nation’s worst school shooting.

Today, Alain Hoffman, senior in music, said her life is slowly returning to “normal.” As normal as life can be for a Columbine High School graduate.

“I thought moving two states away, I’d get away from what happened,” said Hoffman, originally from Littleton, Colo.

The chaotic scene at Columbine is one she’s been somewhat able to forget.

This week, however, every terrifying moment of April 20, 1999, returned full force when Hoffman saw Rachel Scott smiling at her from a flyer anchored to her car windshield.

“That was too much,” Hoffman said. “Rachel and I knew each other pretty well. You can’t imagine what it’s like to open the paper and see a picture of Rachel.”

The flyers advertised Thursday night’s lecture by Darrell Scott, whose daughter, Rachel – the girl who has appeared on the flyers – was one of the 13 victims of the Columbine shooting.

Scott has been touring the country since the shootings, telling thousands of people about Rachel and her outlook on life, said Sue Kraft, administrative assistant for Columbine Redemption, Scott’s non-profit organization.

For Hoffman, Scott is keeping something very much alive that she would rather forget.

“Everyone who’s gone through it has let it go,” Hoffman said. “It’s the rest of the world who can’t – they have to focus on it because it’s sensational.”

Hoffman said the “morbid curiosity” has only intensified since the shootings.

“Every little thing now is worthy of CNN – every prom, every graduation . every time someone gets suspended,” she said. “We’re all just kids. It’s a normal high school.”

Hoffman said survivors of the ordeal are “using this experience to fulfill their own purposes,” and have capitalized on the tragedy.

At Rachel Scott’s memorial service, Hoffman said someone approached her and asked her to appear on Oprah, promising her they would provide all travel costs.

Hoffman adamantly refused.

“I know a lot of people are making a lot of money off of what happened, but I don’t feel like profiting from a friend’s death is right,” she said.

Hoffman said she has never before discussed what happened three years ago with anyone.

“I felt like no one understood, and I needed to lock it away,” she said.

Hoffman emphasized that if she had decided to talk about Columbine before this week, she “wouldn’t ever ask for money for [her] story.”

Alyssa Armbrecht, member of Campus Crusade for Christ, the group that brought Scott to campus, said Scott received a $5,000 honorarium for his speech. Armbrecht, senior in food science, said all of the money returns to Columbine Redemption.

Kraft said Scott’s intention is not to make money from his daughter’s death, but she could not comment on how the organization uses the money.

Kraft also said Scott does not want to rehash the events of April 20.

“Darrell’s message is triumph over all the tragedy,” Kraft said. “It’s not details; it’s simply that Darrell truly believed his daughter lived a certain way, and he wants to tell people about her.”

Hoffman said Scott “has other motives.”

“I don’t think his purpose is to clarify, like his flyers say,” she said. “I’m not sure what his purpose is – maybe to preach, maybe make a name for himself.”

Hoffman said Scott is giving the wrong impression about what happened at Columbine.

“Everyone at Iowa State has this impression that Rachel was shot because she was a Christian, because she stood up for everything,” Hoffman said. “He’s giving the impression that she died for our sins.”

When Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold entered the school cafeteria and began shooting that morning, Rachel Scott was one of the first people hit.

She was still alive after the first bullet struck her. When she tried to crawl away, one of the gunmen shot her in the back.

Hoffman said Harris and Klebold asked no questions, but began shooting.

“People don’t understand they would have shot her anyway,” Hoffman said. “They weren’t thinking, feeling human beings. They were just machine guns.

“They didn’t go in there to eliminate the Christian population,” she continued.

“They went in there to eliminate everybody.”

Hoffman said Scott has turned his daughter into a “tool for conversion.”

“If you had a child die, you’d idolize them in your head and assign a purpose for them being gone,” she said. “He’s made Rachel into this superior being.”

Hoffman said Rachel Scott was a “normal girl” who was “in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“She smoked. She cussed. I saw her drink,” Hoffman said. “She made mistakes. She lived her life like everyone else.”

While Rachel Scott may not have been perfect, Hoffman said she was a wonderful person.

“She made a lot of really good choices, too,” Hoffman said. “She made a really good friend.”

Hoffman said she met Rachel Scott, who was a year behind her in school, through classes.

They both had a huge interest in the performing arts, and “hung out with the same group of people.”

Hoffman said Rachel Scott’s faith was a “big part of her life,” but that doesn’t mean people should see her as a martyr or use her story as a reason to become a Christian.

“I know [Rachel’s] outlook would be that conversion or companionship with God should be brought on by personal faith,” Hoffman said, “not because of someone else’s death.”