as i grow

i continue to realize

how good i am

at hurting myself.

how successful i have been

at weaving chemistry into moments

it had no place.

i have watched my relationships burn

at the stake

that i built

with hands that just wanted

to be held.

he had hair longer than mine-

sun kissed blonde locks

he’d push out of his face

using his entire hand.

it is beyond safe

to say

he wasn’t my type.

he lived on a different planet

and orbited a different sun,

than any other boy

i’d thought to give the time of day.

i still cant help but analyze-

dissect each and every situation

that led to expectations

and obligations

he told me

he didnt sign up for.

yet i thought i could win.

i honestly believed i could win

the heart of this boy.

this boy who stopped me in my tracks

and warned me to turn back,

but i chose

not to listen.

ya, im good at hurting myself,

because if you give me two twigs

i am bound

to build a fire.