The Prince of Darkness needs to find a new vacation spot. Apparently, until a few months ago, Satan spent his extra time in a small town in Florida. But not anymore.

Inglis’ mayor Carolyn Risher has banished Satan from her town. She didn’t do this quietly under her breath. She didn’t proclaim it inside her own home. She used official town stationery and her position as mayor to write:

“Be it known from this day forward that Satan, ruler of darkness, giver of evil, destroyer of what is good and just, is not now, nor ever again will be, a part of this town of Inglis. Satan is hereby declared powerless, no longer ruling over, nor influencing, our citizens.”

It continues .

“In the past, Satan has caused division, animosity, hate, confusion, ungodly acts on our youth, and discord among our friends and loved ones. NO LONGER!”

That’s right Satan, take that – you are outta here. You have overstayed your visit.

And the mayor did not keep this proclamation personal, but instead made 5 copies. One was kept in her office near the pictures of Elvis and a painting of the Last Supper. The rest were rolled up and stuffed into fence posts placed at the four entrances to the town. The posts were painted with the words, “Repent, Request and Resist.”

Can you believe it? No other town has had the guts to ban Satan from entering their town, so why this one?

“If I had thought I was doing something wrong, I would have not done it,” Risher said. “I just felt like it was something I could do for the community, mostly for our young people.”

So since Satan has been pushed out of his major spring break location of Inglis, Fla., what will be his next place of luxury?

The obvious answer is Ames, Iowa.

The chamber of commerce in Ames needs to seek out this prime opportunity to start marketing Satan the benefits of this city instead of Inglis. This is a golden opportunity to make a city in central Iowa the official vacation spot of Satan.

OK, so the Prince of Darkness tends to be a hellish house guest, but tourism dollars are still money, so why count him out?

Every town wants to be a good, safe Christian town, so why not market Ames as the town for the evil and corrupt? (Come on. You know it’s an original idea.)

The marketing campaign would be centered around the fact that religious celebrity Satan spends his days watching Cyclone basketball in Hilton Coliseum, while at night he likes drinking at the bars in Campustown.

And there are plenty of tourist attractions to bring Satan and his underworld followers to this city.

Since Satan has been missing the Garden of Eden for several thousand years, Reiman Gardens can fulfill Satan’s need to frolic in the flowers. Reiman Gardens is 14 acres of roses, tulips and daffodils just waiting for his reign.

The mayor of Inglis said the motivation to tell Satan to go to hell came from an overall concern with drunken drivers and people who steal from their neighbors.

Have you seen the police blotter lately? These actions are common place in Ames. Bring your pillow, Satan.

The town population of Inglis was only 1,241. Not very many options for the art of evils to be played out. But in Ames there are more than 50,000 people waiting for corruption to enter their lives. Half of those people are college-aged and looking for a way to rebel against their families. Lots of opportunities for Satan to have fun.

The city of Ames could take down the sign at Jack Trice Stadium which reads “Cyclone Country” and replace it with “Home to Hell’s Own” with “666” shadowed in the background.

Finally to Satan, I know it can get kind of cold during these long Iowa winters, but there’s a hot tub out at Sterling University apartments calling your name. Plus the August temperatures can help your feel right at home.

So pack your bags, Satan. Welcome to Ames.

Michelle Kann is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Garnavillo. She is the newsroom managing editor of the Daily.