The world is a wonderful place. Sure there’s crime, ignorance and enough human deficiency to populate Jerry Springer and Ricki Lake with white trash for decades to come, but all told, can things really get any better than this? If you happen to be Professor Steve Jones of University College London, your answer is no, no, never.

Dr. Jones stated “Things have simply stopped getting better, or worse, for our species,” arguing that evolution had simply completed its path. His paper titled “Is Evolution Over?” will be presented this week at a Royal Society Edinburgh meeting.

Of course, we should keep in mind that the college keeping Jones employed is University College London, home of the skeleton of Jeremy Bentham. Yes, Bentham is there to this day, since his skeleton, complete with clothing and a wax head, sits in a wooden case with a viewing window in the university’s main building. So even on his worst day, Jones will never be the craziest person or thing at the university.

Jones’ argument may be right about Bentham, whose skeleton has run its evolutionary course, but his arguments rely heavily on Darwinian theories that no longer seem appropriate for the situation. While Darwinian logic of natural selection suggests the value of widespread reproduction to spread genes, it would seem completely irrational for people to breed in large quantities. While it may have created ecological domination, humans have so dominated nature that they would no longer be able to thrive off it with a large population.

I will agree to one aspect of Jones’ theory. There are definite indications that the evolutionary process isn’t directing us in any positive direction. If you doubt me, try and watch MTV. If that’s a sign of positive evolution, I think I’ll undergo some speciation and split off into a new species altogether. If we had truly reached the pinnacle of human existence, I’d think my word processor would at least recognize that speciation is a word or people would recognize that Cuba Gooding Jr. hasn’t made a good film since “Jerry Maguire” and avoid “Snow Dogs” like a leprous drifter.

As neither of these things seems to occur, I see a lot of room for people to evolve, and I’m optimistic that we’ll have reached that point by sometime in the next century.

At its heart, evolution seems to be one of those things like the Internet or “Finnegan’s Wake.” No matter how much time you spend with it, you won’t ever finish it. To simply declare the end of evolution is simple, but only if you can prove that the species is going to be extinct soon. It’s always possible that Jones is holding out information from us in America, but I’ll assume for argument’s sake that this isn’t the case.

Are people getting dumber? Quite possibly. Are people getting slower, weaker, fatter and lazier? Definitely, at least in America. Does this mean evolution is causing our species to decline? I doubt it.

My entirely unscientific theory is that if there’s something causing society to decline it’s laziness, triple cheeseburgers and a serious victim complex. This theory of human perfection just gives one more excuse to every person who would go to the gym, but would have to be surgically removed from “The King of Queens” to do it.

We are becoming a nation of diabetics largely because of poor lifestyle habits and overeating, and we are less and less capable of coexisting with the environment and simply living off the land. This is clearly not evolution, but it is a nearly universal change among the species. Even in such negatives, there are signs that evolution will still have a place in human existence.

Steve Jones may be right, or he may just be looking for a paper that’s guaranteed to bring him attention and tenure. Still, it could be the case that evolution may be completed now, but there’s really only one way to prove it. It’s time to put him in a glass case, right next to Bentham. Make sure someone keeps an eye on him, so that he doesn’t go trying to evolve enough to escape.

Sorry, Dr. Jones, but we can’t let you out. This kind of poetic justice is as good as it gets. You even said so.

Tim Kearns is a senior in political science from Bellevue, Neb.