Spring is almost here. Spring is a time for birds chirping, shorts reappearing and students studying on Central Campus.

Spring is usually a time for hope, fun and relaxation.

But unfortunately, it is also the time to apply for scholarships.

Almost every student has felt the pain experienced when applying for scholarships. First there is the searching. Then the anguish that comes with writing the essay. And finally, the disappointment when looking at your grade-point average and realizing that drinking four times a week isn’t the best way to get a scholarship.

Then when the rejection letter is opened, the heartache is felt by the average student.

With the rising costs of education at Iowa State, the problem with scholarships isn’t the laziness of students, it is the failed system of financial help.

Scholarships are just another example in society of the prejudices that exist against the average person.

The elite of the academic world are the only people who are pleased from scholarships. And this needs to change.

If you don’t believe me, just take a moment to look at the scholarships available at Iowa State.

For example, there is the Barry M. Goldwater, which “provides up to $15,000 for two years of study for outstanding students to pursue careers in mathematics, the natural sciences or engineering and to foster excellence in those fields. Students must be a full-time sophomore or junior during the year of application. Students also must be a U.S. citizen or resident alien and should have strong research experience. Internships, other work experience and campus leadership are helpful credentials.”

Translation: Only smart kids need apply. Stupid people move aside.

And what about the Honors Building, also known as the Martin C. Jischke Honors Building, and its biased anti-dumb students ways?

I can’t figure why the privileged population of honors students need to have their own building to study. Why can’t they use Parks Library, the Memorial Union or their dorm room like every other average student?

If anything, the dumb students are the ones that need a special place of intellectual thought.

But not every university ignores its “Plain Janes” and “Average Alans.” There are actually scholarships at other universities who work to help the under-appreciated students of its university.

One of the best-known C-student scholarships is the David Letterman scholarship at Ball State. The David Letterman Telecommunications Scholarship Program gives awards of up to $10,000 and G.P.A. doesn’t matter.

Or the Fat Scholarship awarded to high school seniors living on the East Coast. In order to receive the $500 scholarship, applicants must answer questions about his or her attitude toward fat people and size acceptance.

Finally, a scholarship that is against all the skinny sorority girls of America.

And any student should apply for the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws scholarships.

Winning students need to write an essay outlining reasons to not have a drug war against marijuana.

Smoking pot and studying can finally go hand in hand.

My favorite is the Zolp Scholarship.

For this scholarship, the only requirement is that the student’s name is Zolp. The Zolp Scholarship at Loyola University in Chicago gives a four-year, full-tuition scholarship to one student who hands in his or her birth certificate for proof.

Future parents of Iowa State, take note of this scholarship when naming your children.

So in response to the average student prejudices at Iowa State, I have decided to set up the Michelle Kann “Average is Awesome” Foundation and Scholarship. My scholarship would be modeled after the similar “ordinary students can succeed, too” scholarship programs across the nation.

The requirements for the Michelle Kann “Average is Awesome” scholarship would be fairly simple.

The scholarship would be given to students of any age who have a C-G.P.A., from a town in Iowa with a population of less than 1,000 and is a journalism major. Other requirements would be that the student drinks at Welch Avenue Station at least three times a week and prefers to skip class in order to spend time in the Daily office.

Look for it on the Iowa State scholarship Web site in 2020.

Michelle Kann is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Garnavillo. She is the newsroom managing editor at the Daily.