Over the break, families got together and chilled. This is true with Absurd Predictions and the L.L. (Lowdown List) as well.

The two brainstormed and came up with an idea of doing a combined column.

The cousins called me up and we worked the details, making this foray into insanity possible.

Lowdown List

4) I didn’t know that TNT meant Turbulent New Teammates.

That must be what players on the Texas Rangers are thinking after two of the most controversial figures in the game have joined the team.

Not only did the Rangers sign outfielder Carl Everett and all of his baggage, but they also brought in chronic brain-in-foot disease patient John Rocker.

Let’s just say this clubhouse should be a fun one to watch.

3) Speaking of Texas, who hasn’t seen the fight that broke out between Longhorn players and Oklahoma State fans at the Jan. 5 contest in Stillwater?

Those who have, know about the man who was standing up for his pregnant wife.

The dude got involved in the heat of the moment and was trying to protect a loved one. I understand that.

What I do have a problem with is the other student, the one who kicked his foot up toward Longhorn Royal Ivey.

And don’t tell me that he had a twitch in his leg or got a sudden urge to try out for the Rockettes, because I won’t buy it.

If anyone needs to be disciplined for their actions in this sequence, it’s him. No one that stupid should be allowed in the arena, let alone next to the floor.

2) Last week, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban got fined $500,000 for his slew of comments about NBA commissioner David Stern and director of officials Ed Rush, claiming that he “wouldn’t hire [Rush] to manage a Dairy Queen”.

Just days after the comment, Cuban got a reply from representatives of the ice cream chain itself, inviting him to actually manage the restaurant for a day.

Can you see Marky Mark behind the counter, asking whether you want your ice cream in a cone or a cup? Well, you can find out about all the drama today as Cuban gets his chance to manage. Mr. Cuban, I salute you. Don’t ever change.

1) The dictionary should now have a new definition of integrity which should include the following: “Doesn’t associate with the small minority of drunken football fans who throw objects with any sort of harmful intent.”

What happened in Cleveland and New Orleans a few weeks ago disgusted me, plain and simple.

Fans yell and boo and scream about bad calls. Fans discuss those calls with buddies after and before the games. Fans call in and relieve their futile frustrations on media talk shows. Fans don’t threaten the health or sanctity of people that play, coach or enforce the rules of the game.

Absurd Predictions

This week, thousands upon thousands of people will descend to the city of Melbourne to witness the first major event of the sporting year, the Australian Open.

It’s summer down under. The heat should be the usual blistering factor that it is.

Most of the players experience some sort of winter cold or ideal weather conditions where they live, which means their bodies might not get used to the heat.

This leaves only one person in the top 32 that would be accustomed to the massive waves of heat that will be descending on Melbourn, Nicolas Lapentti of Ecuador.

With average hometown temperatures of 75-80 degrees Fahrenheit year-round, the No. 23 seed seems most capable of taking the literal meaning of a hot streak to the title.

In the women’s draw, half of the top-ten seeds are from the United States, giving the illusion that dominance in the sport resides within our borders.

However, there is a fear that belies even the most confident of stars – pronouncing your opponent’s name correctly.

In this draw, there are plenty of chances to have a slip of the tongue with surnames such as Dementieva, Tanasugarn and Likhovtseva.

The woman that may come out on top in this battle is 16th-seeded Iroda Tulyaganova from Uzbekistan.

Combine that much talent and confusion together and blissful jubilance lies at the end of two weeks of work.

How do you think Martina Navratilova won all those tournaments?

Jonathan Lowe is a senior in meteorology from Kansas City, Mo.