The snow is just over the horizon and the temperatures are plummeting. December is upon us and it is time to find out what Santa is up to. The year is almost at an end and so much has happened this year. And with so much goodness and badness, Santa has been busy. Which made it all the more difficult to sit down and talk with Santa.

Me: So Santa, I suppose this has been just as busy a year as others; how far along are you in preparation for Christmas?

Santa: I’m making a list, checking it twice .

Me: Yes, so I figured.

Santa: Such a wonderful little tune. Did you know that I wrote it?

Me: You wrote that song? I thought that .

Santa: The original lyrics were mine, though I never got credit for the song. You see, it’s those elves. They overheard me singing it long ago and sold the rights away. Sneaky little devils.

Me: I honestly do not know what to say to that.

Santa: I think you have been good this year.

Me: Well I didn’t come here to talk about me.

Santa: Not like those other devilish years you had. Numerous ones in fact. There was the year you kicked a hole in the wall. I remember when you would steal lunches from your classmates. And I was perplexed that year you tried to steal Ronald McDonald.

Me: Yes, well, I’ve tried to put my glory days behind me. Santa, what I really came to talk to you about is who in your mind is getting a truckload of coal this year?

Santa: For obvious reasons, there are too many to count. But there are some people with very high profiles that have made my list this year. Of course Osama bin Laden is at the top, where he’s constantly been for the last decade. The amount of coal he receives is quite substantial.

And after two years off of my top 10 list, Saddam finds himself right back up at the top. If I remember correctly, he has received coal for every year except 5 years. When he was a child he would do disastrous things to ants.

Me: I am hardly surprised to find those two on your top list of coal receivers.

Santa: I had high hopes that Saddam would continue his better ways, but alas, it came down to the fact that he had a bad year. He even begged me that he would be good. Saddam told me that he is tired of getting coal year after year.

Me: I don’t doubt it. Are there any others you care to mention?

Santa: Paul Hogan makes the list.

Me: Paul Hogan?

Santa: Yes, there is simply no excuse for Crocodile Dundee 3. Also, John Travolta is getting some coal this year because he continues to make bad movies. And don’t get me started on everyone involved in “Pearl Harbor.”

Me: Wow, from what you have told me, your list of bad people this year is quite extensive. It looks as if you have your hands full for this Christmas.

Santa: That is true, Jason. The number of bad people this year is about the same as every year. No real increase, however, this year there is a lot more coal that needs to be delivered.

Me: Santa, I think it must also be pointed out for our readers that even though there are numerous bad people this year, the number of good are quite large.

Santa: An excellent point. There are quite a few bad people, but the good definitely out number the bad 2 to 1. There are so many good boys and girls this year it makes me very happy. In fact, we have had an 11 percent increase over last year. This is quite wonderful. Typically we have had a 4 percent increase with goals of 7 percent. Mrs. Claus and I are extremely proud of all the good boys and girls this year, and they will be rewarded.

Me: Before we close this interview, is there any advice you have?

Santa: Remember to strive to be good. Goodness is rewarded with wonderful gifts and love. Badness earns you nothing but coal.

Oh, and Saddam, those cookies were wonderful, but that doesn’t change the fact that you were still bad this year.

Jason Bruen is a senior in engineering operations from Lake Bluff, IL.