There I sat listening to my Dashboard Confessional album when I began to wonder: How does a guy this depressed celebrate the holidays? He sits there with his acoustic guitar and whines about girls and not getting any love, and I just find it hard to picture him in front of my house with all the rest of the carolers.

It’s not that I have anything against the band or the genre of music they play; in fact, I’m a big fan of emo music, but really, how do these emo kids celebrate the holidays?

To me it seems that emo music and Christmas makes less sense than edible mistletoe.

Don’t believe me?

Check out makeoutclub.com, an online haven for the emo kids, and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

They have these pictures of themselves in dark rooms with gloomy faces like they’ve just missed the bus to Happyland. Their profiles contain manic poetry about the heartbreak they’ve endured in their relationships.

And they sit there in their dark rooms frantically instant messaging others who have endured the same horrible torture, blasting music by the likes of the Promise Ring, Appleseed Cast, and, for the old school fans, Mineral.

Honestly, take a look at a guy like Matt Skiba, the lead singer of Alkaline Trio. Here’s a guy who writes songs about drinking bleach and tossing radios into bathtubs to electrocute his girlfriend.

I can’t picture him decorating for the holidays, unless, of course, he gets to use a dead tree and decorates it with rat skulls and dying angels.

I guess my problem is this: I can’t understand how these people celebrate. Do they turn off the depression for a few weeks and force a smile until a few days after the Rose Bowl when they start breaking their resolutions?

Or do they skip the holidays altogether and just stay in their dark rooms scribing manic-depressive poetry?

Have you ever heard an emo holiday song? I’ve been looking for one for a while, and so far I’ve had no luck. Every other genre has had holiday songs. For Christ(mas) sake, even Death Row Records had a Christmas album.

And although it may have been the worst idea in music history – there’s just something not quite right about hearing the words “Santa” and “fuck” in the same sentence – it was still released.

Yet it seems even Snoop Dogg and Kurupt take time out of their busy schedules to come home for the holidays and get gifts for their mamas.

And still there is no emo holiday album. But I’ve got an idea.

“Emo Diaries Chapter 7: An Emo Christmas.” Can you picture it?

It would bring a whole new dimension to the holidays, something for the emo kids to hold on to during the happy times of the holidays.

Really, how many sad holiday songs have you heard? None. This is where emo music could sail into uncharted holiday waters.

Imagine it – they could have songs about waking up Christmas morning and finding nothing under the tree, or celebrating New Years Eve throwing up champagne at midnight while everyone else is smooching. Who knows what bands like Dashboard Confessional and Alkaline Trio would come up with?

This album would sell like a Tickle Me Elmo doll because emo kids need an outlet during the holidays.

Imagine walking around town with a big frown because, well, you’re emo, and everyone else is walking around with smiles plastered on their faces. It kind of reminds me of the “Grinch” except emo kids don’t have green fur.

An emo Christmas album would be a savior for so many emo kids around the holidays.

Won’t someone with a record label and some power please make this album happen?

Dewayne Hankins is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Lockport, Ill.