Shopping makes you hungry; there’s no denying that. Whether you’re picking up a royal blue studded belt from The Buckle, or a Lord of the Rings action figure from Electronics Boutique, catching the aroma while walking past Flame ‘N’ Skewer on the way out of North Grand Mall is tempting.

We decided to stop by for dinner. Flame ‘N’ Skewer is considered by some as the place to go in Ames for the best gyros (jy-ros, gee-ros, yee-ros, however you pronounce it). They’re off the rotisserie, unlike those pre-packaged gyro strips the “gyro-man” pawns off on unsuspecting drunkards at 2 in the morning outside the bars. It was Friday at 5 p.m., and we didn’t have to wait for a table. So we seated ourselves.

Restaurant Atmosphere

Tim: At first we were seated at a small booth near the entrance, but we decided there wasn’t enough room and moved to the large gangster-style booth in the corner of the restaurant. That gave me a view of the whole place, which I can describe only as an upscale cafeteria.

It seemed pretty high-class, well-lit with nice tables and booths, and soothing background music, but then I glanced outside and saw the “Cookies Etc” sign and was reminded – I’m in a mall.

Zack: God Tim, can’t you get over the cookie sign? This place was nice – real nice. The one downside was that there are no windows. So I had difficulty looking at passersby.

That is until I realized we were in a mall. What place on earth attracts more women than a mall? None. So I stared out the entrance almost the entire time.

Tim: Zach never ceases to amaze me. Time after time, we make the effort to go and review a restaurant and what does Zach talk about? Women. It’s quite sad, really. And at this point in the evening, the only women in the restaurant had probably been on Social Security since the Jimmy Carter administration. I felt the urge to stand up and yell “B-7,” but I fought it.

I know it’s a mall, but this restaurant had some image problems. Are we going for upscale? If so, the least we could do is get rid of the framed black-and-white photos of the ISU campus. Thumbs down for me.

Zack: Tim, sorry I don’t discriminate based on age. Point is, this place was extremely nice, especially considering it’s in a mall. It had this ski-lodge feel to it. Thumbs up.

Service

Tim: Right off the bat, I’d have to say the service was impeccable. I got my drink less than a minute after I ordered it, and the food took 10 minutes or so. Granted, the restaurant was nearly empty, but go anywhere else in Ames at 5 p.m. on a Friday and it’ll be longer before you get your meal.

Zack: Well, to start things off, I was a little nervous when a kid from the Backstreet Boys came over with our menus. But, I will give him credit; he was a good waiter – he and the two girls who helped him. Together, those three could have handled anything. Our drinks were always full, our food was served quickly and they always had smiles on their faces.

Tim: I agree. Except for the Backstreet Boys comment – I’d say ‘NSync. He was more Joey than A.J., more J.C. than Howie. But nonetheless, I was very impressed. Thumbs up for me.

Zack: Why do you always insist on arguing, Tim? He was Backstreet to the core. But the service here was one of the best in town. Thumbs up.

Food Quality

Tim: Flame ‘N’ Skewer offers a pretty diverse menu, from salads to steak to sandwiches. I went with the gyro dinner, a hefty portion of gyro meat, tomatoes and onions with a side of fries. It cost me only $7.50.

Zack: I started off with some fine cheese balls. They were fried to perfection and only a few bucks. For my meal, I ordered the 6-ounce beef tenderloin cut in pieces and cooked on a skewer, called the Ladies’ Souvlaki.

For those out there who don’t know what a skewer is, it is a piece of wood, similar to a giant toothpick. In this case it was jammed through bloody, undercooked meat with no flavor whatsoever. I was not a happy camper since I ordered my steak medium.

Tim: I was a little more satisfied with my meal. Like I said earlier, there was a large amount of meat – so much that I needed to order another pita. I was, however, a little disappointed that I was charged 50 cents for it. Nevertheless, the gyro I had was better than any $3.50 one the gyro-man scammed off on me after a night of heavy, er, studying.

Zack: I was especially disappointed with my $7.95 meal of cow blood. I had one piece that was actually purple in the middle. Jeffrey Dahmer would have sent this back to be cooked a little more. I couldn’t even stick my fork in it; it just slid off. I was honestly surprised when I bit down and it wasn’t cold.

Tim: Big deal, Zach. Your Ladies’ Souvlaki wasn’t cooked and had a purplish hue. So you could have died if you ate it. Big deal. Anything else you want to complain about, Mr. Difficult?

I personally was very happy with my meal. For my money, the gyro was filling and the best I’ve had in Ames. Thumbs up for me.

Zack: Yeah, I heard you like the sheep. Point is, the food was just terrible. Thumbs down.