COLUMN:Where have all the Stalins gone?

Jason Bruen

Country leaders are knockoffs. They are copycats, former shadows of the original monstrous leaders of the past. Can’t we do anything original anymore? Humans have lost their ability to let creativeness flow from their brains. This copycatting ability has not been lost on country leaders. Anything or everything a leader does today (both good and bad) is met with the initial “ah.” Which is quickly followed up with “been there, done that.” It’s almost sad really.

The news headlines are nothing more than repeated catch phrases that have occurred over the years. The only changes are the players, the countries, and the technology in which the events are achieved. “But my plight is original,” yells Osama bin Laden. “Our cause is great, and backed by God,” he continues. “I am more monstrous and evil than anyone this earth has ever seen,” states a confident Saddam Hussein. “I have killed many,” argues Slobodan Milosevic.

I should point them to a history book and they can see the original documented histories. Stalin would turn over in his grave if he heard such foul atrocities flowing from their mouths (no doubt he would also invade their respective countries, just in spite).

I suppose I shouldn’t be that surprised. Growing up I had the same concerns, I’d just hoped things would turn out differently. Don’t ask me how we got along, but we did. I suppose it was the kinship of big egos that drew us together.

Around the ripe age of nine, Osama, Slobodan, Saddam and I would play together on the playground. It was on this playground where their unoriginal personalities presented themselves.

Back in the day, we used to call Slobodan “Little Genocide.” He was a terror on the playground. He used to hurl balls at his classmates, terrorizing the hell out of them. And when I mean balls, I mean just about anything – basketballs, footballs, softballs. Some of these were not necessarily the nice fluffy Nerf ones either.

We didn’t have any nicknames for Osama. But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t any less terrifying on the playground. In dodgeball, Osama would even sacrifice his own teammates to win. I don’t really know how that helped, but in the end, he was always the last one standing. I was hit in the face repeatedly by him in dodgeball.

Everyone made fun of Saddam. He was fat and slow, so everyone could outrun him. But if he caught you, he would use his fists and give you a pummeling.

But that usually happened to the weaker classmates, the ones who had no endurance and could not outrun him.

This happened pretty much every day. These horrible students would get to showcase their talents on the playground. However, one day was reserved for our little group discussions. Actually, ego inflation is more like it. Each one would talk about how he was going to conquer this or destroy that and do so in a way like the world has never seen before. We each would point out the others’ shortfalls.

Osama and his jihads were not original at all. “But I will be a poor pilgrim, living the life of a nomad, and use a great fortune to fund my jihads,” he would say.

Saddam would just tell him to eat a chemical warfare sandwich. Kids and their language.

I was never really scared of their egotistical banter growing up. I never had any imperialistic dreams of my own. I just hung out with them because they were rulers of the playground, and they didn’t seem to pick on me as much. Though I still got my hair pulled.

Now that we are all grown up, I can see they have followed their dreams. They are busy tormenting the world. No matter how ruthless they are, one thing they are not is original. I think that in today’s world, the terrorist/leader/monster pales in comparison to the maniacal debauchery that took place by leaders that could really stir up a storm.

We are constantly looking for the next Hitler or the next Stalin or even the next Genghis. Somehow I don’t think we will ever look for the next Osama or Saddam.

These mini-monsters with their cell phones and their 25- miles-to-the-gallon Jeep Grand Cherokees need to read some history and absorb some true monstrosity. Stalin used to actually eat people.

Jason Bruen is a senior in engineering operations from Lake Bluff, Ill.