Iowa State students have now progressed into their third week of classes and it is time to discuss etiquette. Class attendance etiquette, to be exact.

Sure, every teacher went through class etiquette with each and every class the first class period, but this needs to be repeated.

As late as this past Monday, students were clearly ignoring proper etiquette in class culture. I will not settle unless this is ingrained into all of our skulls.

No sleeping in class. This is the first rule that professors tell everyone attending class. This rule bears no importance on class etiquette. As long as you are sleeping quietly, you are not leaning on me, and all liquids are kept in their rightful places (close your mouth!) we will be just fine.

One rule is “no reading the Daily in class.” This is a bogus rule. The Daily provides all the information I need; I’ll be damned if I am going to not read the Daily in class. OK, so maybe I went overboard on that one. But the Daily provides wonderful reading material, however, many if not all professors have discussed their annoyance in reading the Daily during a lecture period.

As long as the Daily is kept to oneself (paper cuts are not allowed) and hidden from the professor’s view, this rule can be ignored.

On to the more important rules. These rules are imperative to attending class. If they’re not followed, you must demote yourself by 30 credits, spend the year thinking about what you did wrong and write a 45-page paper discussing American Imperialism and its factors on commercialism. On the flip side, if these rules are followed bountiful amenities can be yours.

Number one is absolutely positively no foul odors in class. What is the deal with going to class and not showering? Is it in vogue? Hardly. News flash – you are not cool smelling like hog excrement.

I suppose I cannot control your personal hygiene and showering is optional for the day. But don’t you dare sit next to me. I am attending class to get the well-rounded education that this fine institution is providing, not to sit next to some person that smells like a hog farm.

No offense to hogs, but you are ruining their reputation. Hogs avoid imitating the human species and likewise, are appalled at you imitating them. It’s not a pretty sight; give it up.

Due to meeting the rigors of completing a degree on time, class schedules conflict with lunch. I have one of those schedules and I feel for the people that must eat a hurried lunch or eat their lunch in class.

But did everyone get the memo? If not I will sum it up for you, chew with your mouth closed. I do not want to see the contents inside your mouth and I am quite sure your professor doesn’t either.

First of all, the food usually falls out and lands somewhere in a 40-foot radius and second, it’s loud. I do not want to hear the repeated chewing action that your mouth is engaged in. If you have this problem, eat while in front of a mirror. You see that?

That’s right, you are only missing four hooves and white and black coloring, but you are basically a cow. Except when cows chew, they have a certain art to it. Humans have once again disgraced the animal kingdom by trying to imitate it.

These two rules are an absolute must in attending class. Professors seem to forget these rules every year, but I stress these rules are highly important.

I advocate the importance of getting a degree and paying attention in class, not to mention attending to a higher standard for animals.

These rules, once followed, will serve everyone (including the animal kingdom) in the university setting. If for some strange reason you must ignore these rules, do not sit next to me. After all, these interferences disrupt my beauty sleep.

Oh, I almost forgot, I expect that paper next week, and try to keep the hog excrement off of the paper. It makes for poor reading enjoyment.

Jason Bruen is a senior in Engineering Operations from Lake Bluff, Ill.