It’s time to get up off the couch and actually try to learn something again. Let’s see…books, check…supplies, got it…class schedule, yeah… fresh gear, um, we’ll just say gear. OK, I’m ready. Crap, I’m already 20 minutes late. Oh well, might as well skip class and write my column.

You Better Check Yourself

Recently, the topic of bringing chess into the Olympics has heated up. Having played the game for three years in high school (as if I wasn’t already a big enough nerd), I can’t really picture the rush that would go through someone’s bloodstream when they checkmate their opponent to win the gold medal.

Here’s the kicker. If the game wants to be installed in the most glorious of athletic events, the participants will have to be tested for drug use.

(Chuckling for a minute)…Excuse me, I have something in my throat.

Actually, I can picture this kind of testing in my mind. Think back to the old monster type movies, where they would cut open your head and take out your brain. Maybe a conversation between Olympic officials would go like this.

Official 1: Well, the veins seem to be in perfect order.

Official 2: No significant increase in size of the left lobe.

Official 1: Wait a minute. I think I’ve found something.

Official 3: Wow! Look at the size of that pituitary gland. Let’s check for stimuli.

(The doctors would go on to find this man unfit to participate in the games due to violation of IOC `we aren’t smarter than you’ rules. He later died because the doctors couldn’t reconnect his brain right.)

Optimistic Predictions

This week I’m toning my ludricrous meter down a few notches. I believe these goals are extremely lofty to obtain.

We are now into the start of the fall sports season. While it will be somewhat tough to predict how all the Cyclone sports teams will do, I can go ahead and take a stab at a couple at least.

I’ll look at football first. Last year was outstanding, `nuff said. The Clones won nine games, a bowl game and the hearts of fans around America. Or was it their stomachs?

The team has had to look high and low to find someone who will give them more respect than a one-hit wonder. Look no further, for I have jumped on the Cyclone bandwagon. This Lowe says props should be plentiful for this year’s squad.

By my estimate, Iowa State will beat UNI, Ohio, Baylor, Oklahoma State and Kansas. The Cyclones will lose to Nebraska and Texas A&M. Where the questions lie will be in games against Iowa, Missouri, Kansas State and Colorado.

I believe that they will beat the Hawkeyes and Tigers (by six points or less) and lose close ones to K-State and the Buffaloes (by three or less). In the end, the Clones finish 7-4, securing their second straight bowl game berth.

As for other quick predictions, volleyball will win seven matches this season, while soccer will turn in an above .500 percentage with either ten or eleven wins.

And with that, good luck to all teams shooting to be a shining star.

Jonathan Lowe is a senior in meterology fromKansas City, Mo.