The New York Times’ slogan reads “All the news that’s fit to print.” Talk about the height of subjectivity. But that seems to nicely sum up the kinds of stories making it to the headlines everyday. So what is news that’s fit to print?

Sensationalism and negativity are, of course, the top two criteria if you’re a news story trying to make it to the front page. If you can’t catch their attention or shock them, you might as well not have happened. Take for example the age-old adage taught in journalism kindergarten. “Dog Bites Man” isn’t news, but “Man Bites Dog” is.

Another criterion is important because it needs to be ignored. And that’s the cardinal rule that states “It doesn’t matter whether or how it might even remotely affect the reader.”

Here are some sterling illustrations of these points in one headline, from today’s CNN.com: “Tyson `not sweating’ rape allegation.” When you see Tyson’s name, you can see sensation written all over the place, as everybody and their mother knows. At least, you can expect he would have bitten somebody’s ear off.

You have the word rape thrown in there so you know something bad has happened to somebody and you have to read about it. And, as a reader, you know that your chance of running into Tyson while he’s in the mood to commit a felony on you is as remote as your biting a dog today.

But hey, didn’t that catch your attention, shock you and completely not affect you in any way, all the same?

“Britain’s Queen Mum Hospitalized for Anemia.” Here I am sitting in Ames, Iowa, reading about how the Queen Mother, days before her 101st birthday, walked up the steps of the hospital where she was admitted to, following heat exhaustion which caused her to cancel a public engagement.

What does that mean to me? That when I’m 101, I shouldn’t be out in hot weather? That it’s good to be the Queen Mother even at 101 since you’re likely to be read about by some nobody in Ames, Iowa? That you should weigh the risks of canceling public engagements due to heat exhaustion?

“Vikings lineman dies of heat stroke” – seems like the thing to be if you want to be in the news these days is heat. This story, if you went on read it in detail, violates one rule of thumb. It has details in it which actually affect real people.

While talking about the excessive heat advisory throughout the Midwest this year, the story makes some references to this phenomenon and its connection to the issue of global warming.

This NYTimes.com headline is positive funny, though I don’t think they originally meant to be this way: “Energy Executives Urge Some Gas-Emission Limits for Bush.” I don’t see anything negative or sensational about that headline. And yet President Bush, with his natural charisma and newsworthiness, just makes the headline un-ignorable.

Once in a while though, something not sensational, and directly or indirectly affecting you will make it to the front page.

That’s when an Elvis sighting is reported, Martians come down to have an intellectual dialogue with your dog and the president makes sense. Although not all of them are guaranteed to happen.

Narayan Devanathan is a graduate student in journalism and mass communication from Hyderabad, India.