We trekked out to Battle’s Southern Select Bar-B-Q for lunch,

looking for an alternative to the hustle and bustle of Hickory

Park.

Battle’s is located right in Campustown, at 112 Hayward Ave. In

case you haven’t heard of Battle’s, it’s “between Jimmy John’s and

the place that gives you condoms,” as one person so eloquently

put it. Supposedly, this is the place in Ames for old-fashioned

southern barbecue, but we’ll be the judges of that.

Restaurant Atmosphere

Tim: It was 11:30 in the afternoon, and the place was

packed. Every seat was taken, but after a couple of minutes we

found ourselves a booth. Battle’s has the feel of an old-time,

down-home barbecue. There are antique posters and relics

decorating the walls, my favorites being the one for “Babe Ruth’s

Pinch Hit Tobacco” or the one searching for a one-eyed,

one-legged, one-eared castrated dog named Lucky.

Zach: Well, after the sign persuaded Tim to buy some

chaw, he ran up to the gas station for a bag of the finest stuff he

could get. While he was gone I realized the place was very homey.

There were flowers on the table, a red-and-white checkered table

cloth and wheels on the wall. There was one negative, however.

The booths were solid wood, and the back was at a 90-degree

angle. It was like sitting in that old run down church grandma

always made you go to when you were six.

Tim: I agree. It was just like sitting at church, only the

music didn’t suck and we didn’t have to wait as long for the grub.

When we first got there, Bob Marley was wailing in the

background.

Later, it turned to jazz. There’s something strange about eating a

barbecue sandwich listening to reggae protest songs. I was

almost tempted to throw my food at Zach and scream “Viva la

revolucion!” Needless to say, I fought the urge.

Zach: It is a good thing the revolution didn’t happen. Tim

knows he would have been slapped into next week. There was

one part of the atmosphere I particularly enjoyed, however. The big

window gave us all a nice view.

Tim: Overall, Battle’s provides you with a quite inviting and

welcoming atmosphere to sit down for a little bit of barbecue. With

the exception of Hickory Park, which is too busy and noisy, there

aren’t a lot of spots to chill out and have a good conversation with

someone in a quiet restaurant while munching on some barbecue

sandwiches. It’s thumbs up for me.

Zach: Although quite small, Battle’s made me feel at

home. I didn’t feel like I was in a huge restaurant where I’d have to

wait 10 minutes for something. It was cozy and pretty humorous. I

give it a thumbs up.

Service

Tim: You walk in, walk to the register, tell `em what you

want, pay for it, and they bring it out to you. It doesn’t take a trained

professional to get through that process. And as much as I didn’t

like putting my own plate on the counter when I was done, the

service, or lack thereof, was fine. A less than enthusiastic thumbs

up for me.

Zach: I did like being left alone. It was nice not having a

waitress bug me every two minutes just so she can get a good tip.

Plus, it makes the meal cheaper. Thumbs up.

Food Quality

Tim: For such a little joint, the menu wasn’t too bad.

Barbecue ham, beef and pork sandwiches, ribs, dinners – not too

shabby. I decided on a regular size pork sandwich ($3.95) and a

glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade ($1.05).

Zach: After choosing the regular turkey sandwich ($3.95)

over the barbecue trimmings (whatever the hell those are), I

decided I didn’t want their free pickle because I knew I wouldn’t eat

it.

Tim: The pork sandwich hit the spot. The pork was tender,

juicy and moist, and the bun was toasted to a perfect crisp. With

every sandwich you get free potato chips, which goes well with a

sandwich. For lunch, the regular size sandwich will fill you up just

fine. For dinner, however, I suggest the large size sandwich for just

a dollar more. This isn’t really a sloppy/on your forehead and

elbow, bring an extra shirt barbecue place, though, so don’t expect

a messy meal.

Zach: The smoked turkey breast was pilled high onto a

toasted butter bun. It just melted in my mouth. There were two

choices of barbecue sauce to put on your food. I thought I had the

hot at first, but it was doing nothing for me.

Suddenly, Tim starts crying like a little school girl in a plaid skirt

because he accidentally used the hot. Immediately, I scraped off

the mild and soaked my turkey in the hot stuff. It was perfect, the

kind of hot that puts hair on your chest, but doesn’t give your mouth

a first-degree burn.

Tim: First off, Zach, plaid skirts are out. And it’s not my fault

the restaurant put the hot sauce in the clear container, and the

regular in the bright red bottle. It’s common knowledge that “red”

equals “hot.” But, I digress. The food was phenomenal. I’m

surprised I don’t hear more students talking about Battle’s. It’s

affordable, filling and right there in Campustown. A perfect score

for Battle’s – a third thumbs up for me.

Zach: Tim, I am a sucker for barbecue and, actually, plaid

skirts are in right now. Anyway, this ranks up there as one of the

best barbecue joints a person in Ames can go to. I give it a nother

thumbs up.