It takes Tiger Woods about 1.5 seconds to swing. About 1:40 to hit 67 shots. The 67th will drop after about four hours on a public course.

Double that for a U.S. Open course.

So last weekend at Southern Hills, Tiger killed more time than newscasters did during O.J.’s “high speed chase.”

Not surprisingly, golf has been said to be 90 percent mental.

I’ve heard the same mantra about basketball, water polo, water skiing, football, sumo wrestling, professional wrestling, bowling and

checkers.

But golf’s case may be the strongest. And Tiger’s; even more so.

From practice range to scorers tent, cameras and autograph hounds are there.

What did they see in Tulsa? That Tiger wasn’t his 400-yard driving, birdie dunking, trophy hoisting self.

What went wrong? What was he thinking?

What WAS he thinking? All I know is when the golf strays, the mind does too.

So the following are 30 thoughts Tiger tinkered with in Tulsa.

Because you never know. Tiger may regain his concentration and shoot a 30 at the British next month.

1. How should I get back to the hotel? The Rolls-Royce? The helicopter? Air Force One?

2. I really need to sit down and count all the Nike swooshes my Sunday attire promotes.

3. Left-handed. I’ve never beaten anyone left-handed before.

4. Or with an 18-foot oar.

5. Or a pool stick.

6. Or a noodle.

7. That’s it. I play the winner next Tuesday at Augusta left-handed with a stick of linguine.

8. The only question is al dente or frozen.

9. Is this a good time to buy Venezuela?

10. Ohh, COME ON. In the sand trap again. Man, I spend more time there than David Hasslehoff.

12. What movie is that from? Oh, I know this. What movie? This will bother me forever.

13. Patrick Swayze is washed-up.

14. What does it say of my manhood to fancy “Dirty Dancing” his best work?

15. Why did I just say “fancy?”

16. Retief Goosen?! The bookies gave me 1-1 odds this week. I should throw a cool mil’ down on Retief Goosen. Guy sounds like a figure skater.

17. “Happy Gilmore.” That was the movie.

18. Man, I should start swinging like him.

19. What if “The Matrix” is right? What if our reality is only a mirage? What if this ball, this club, this rough doesn’t really exist?

20. What if I’m really a white, balding plumber named Jeb from Lincoln, Neb.?

21. That’s depressing.

22. Little ditty, ’bout Jack and Di-iaaane. Two American kids growin’ up in the heartland.

23. A good Cablanasian woman is getting harder to find.

24. &@%#. My ball must be thirsty. That one barely missed getting wet.

25. I’m hungry.

26. Knew I shoulda endorsed Burger King rather than Buick. I could use a complimentary burger right now more than a complimentary Skylark.

27. I hope Bush’s European trip is going well. I don’t want to have a comrade at my door next month brandishing a missile, while I’m armed with a 7-iron.

28. Maybe I should run in 2004.

29. Maybe I’ll need to if this golf keeps up.

30. Oh well. So I didn’t play great this week. At least those people at Wheaties will quit calling.

Paul Kix is a junior in journalism and mass communications from Hubbard.