My name is Brandon Riley and I would like to formally announce my write-in candidacy for Government of the Student Body President. I, along with my running mate Kevin “Will-Do-Anything-For-A-Vote” Crotty, pledge to rid Iowa State of the festering sore that is the current GSB administration. We are outraged by what we see in our government: an elitist bureaucracy bent on student domination and exploitation.I know what you’re thinking: “Brandon, you seem to have a good grip on the situation here, but if GSB doesn’t have a positive effect on me, why should I care about it?” Good question, and many students feel this way; that’s how I knew it was what you were all thinking. I felt the same way until it dawned on me that GSB could have a positive affect on me. All we need is a visionary who knows what the students want, for instance, a library massage service, GSB-sponsored Campustown block parties, and a heated skyway system between campus buildings. These are just a few of my immense multitude of ideas for making GSB beneficial for all students, not just the privileged few who happen to care what goes on in their tedious meetings.Here’s another thing you’re probably thinking: “Who the hell is Brandon Riley?” It will interest you to know that most of you already do know me. I am the guy who dressed in a giant beer can on central campus two years ago to protest the university administration’s hostile takeover of Veishea (which GSB did not support). I may have interrupted your organic chemistry final. A couple friends of mine and I staged the Jesus vs. Satan debates earlier this year as well. Yes, my qualifications for this job are astounding. But what I lack in qualifications I more than make up for in good looks, honesty, intelligence, creativity, imagination, humility and a general distaste and disrespect for authority.And this is where you can help me and thereby help yourself. Last Friday, March 2nd, in the free speech area, from 11:30 to 12:15, Kevin “Will-Do-Anything-For-A-Vote” Crotty and I actually campaigned for the jobs and against the current bourgeoisie regime. We met the students. Kevin did crazy things for votes. There was no media coverage, which sometimes can make it difficult for grassroots organizations to get their names out. But we’re not letting that stop us. We pledge to make this campus a fun place to be with the ultimate goal of secession from Iowa to form our own city-state supported by United States federal aid. Everything GSB does is stupid and now we have a chance to prove it. Join me in this crusade.Brandon Riley

Senior

Psychology and journalism and mass communication