“Crown Royal” Run DMC Compare to: Beastie Boys, N.W.A., LL Cool J ****

It’s been eight years since Run DMC has released an album, and almost 20 years since they brought rap to the mainstream, opening a door for rap artists that continues to widen.

Run DMC, which includes Darryl “DMC” McDaniels, Joe “Run” Simmons and Jason “Jam Master Jay” Mizell, didn’t invent rap – they made it what it is today. Not only did they popularize full-rap albums, they brought sampling and use of turn tables to the forefront of the music world with their efforts in the early `80s.

Their collaboration with Aerosmith in 1986 was one of the first signs of rap/rock, a music form that has dominated over the last five years.

“Crown Royal” was originally slated to be released in October of 1999, but will (hopefully) be released April 2. The wait of more than a year was worth it, though, as “Crown Royal” brings old school Run DMC to a table filled with such guests as Fred Durst, Kid Rock, Jermaine Dupri, Third Eye Blind’s Stephan Jenkins and Method Man.

The result is a yummy feast of bouncing beats, flowing raps and catchy hooks. The only problem is an obvious lack of DMC, Darryl McDaniels, the hoarce-voiced half of the rapping combo.

He broke away from the group in the nineties as his signature voice went through a major change and just finished an Everlast-style album that will be released later in the year. His contributions to “Crown Royal” are very good but limited to just a few tracks.

But the flow that Run drops is enough to make a grown man cry. There is a reason Run DMC is one of the best rap groups ever – they weren’t just in the right place at the right time, they have talent.

Not only does Run rap fast and amazingly clear, his lyrics have an actual substance to them. For instance, the song “Let’s Stay Together (Together Forever)” is a rhyme for his wife.

Other tracks on “Crown Royal” contain Run basically tooting his own whistle, talking about all Run DMC has done for rap. But unlike most rap albums, what he says is true, so it’s okay.

On “Queens Day,” Run says, “who’s more legendary than me?/ that’s what I thought/ and if somebody want to test mine/ yo watch this/ Peter Piper picked pepper/ see I knew you knew the next line/ and I bet you said it.”

The guests are a nice touch to “Crown Royal” as well, with “Simmons Incorporated” featuring Method Man and “It’s Over” featuring Jermaine Dupri as two of the best tracks.

“Them Girls” featuring Fred Durst isn’t bad, though a little cheesy and a bit repetitive. “Take the Money and Run” featuring Everlast is pretty cool as a rap-infested version of the Steve Miller Band original with Everlast singing the chorus.

One of the worst songs on “Crown Royal” is “Here We Go 2001,” featuring Sugar Ray, a song with no direction or catchiness. When this was recorded, Sugar Ray was pretty big, and Run DMC probably didn’t know that they would turn out to be not that cool.

“Crown Royal” is a beautiful sample of truth that Run DMC still has what it takes, but it is not breakthrough or innovative. It is more an album for those who truly respect Run DMC and DJ Jam Master Jay for what they have done for the music world, and one last reminder that rap wouldn’t be where it is today if it wasn’t for these three dreamers from Hollis, Queens, New York.

“Duke Lion Fights the Terror!!” Big Dumb Face Compare to: Gwar, Primus, Slipknot ****

Wes Borland is kind of like King Durst’s illegitimate lovechild – almost an embarrassment to the Limpdom because of his open criticism of Bizkit. But the guitarist is loved by many of the rap-rock outfit’s most devoted fans, so Durst can’t dump him in the moat or feed him to the royal dragon.

Instead, Fred the Whiny decided to give Borland his own little kingdom to play with – the imaginatively titled Big Dumb Face. And even though the Borland side project displays more creativity than any chocolate starfish ever will, it will probably never reach Bizkit’s multi-platinum success.

“Duke Lion Fights the Terror!!” is filled with science fiction and fantasy lyricism that conjures up images of pimply, skinny white kids in faded black Iron Maiden T-shirts playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Borland breathes life into memorable characters such as the heroic “son of man and God and lion” Duke Lion and the Blood Red Head who occasionally meet in a journey through the guitarist’s twisted imagination.

Much of the album is pure – if any record containing a song called “Might Penis Laser” can be considered pure – thrash metal in the vein of GWAR and Slipknot, though Borland throws in a good amount of indie quirk-rock songs. The lyrics quickly erase any notion of Slipknot-like seriousness, however.

In the raging “Blood Red Head on Fire,” Borland seems to have Satan stuck in his throat when he sings, “Here comes the burning, Blood Red Head on fire/ As laser beams shoot from the eyes of the choir/It doesn’t need a body cause it flies through the air/ It’s a Blood Red Head on fire and it doesn’t care.”

Although Borland is the polar opposite of the misogynistic Durst, it doesn’t mean he can’t write a song about his package. Being the big geek he is, Borland didn’t write about how big he is or how his junk got him in relationship trouble.

Instead, as any good geek would, he envisions his penis as a laser, making the usual physical characteristics inapplicable.

“Its weight doesn’t matter/ neither does its size/ If you look into it, it burns out your eyes,” Borland sings in “Mighty Penis Laser.” Sure, the track is vulgar and sounds like a fifth grader made it up, but that is part of the album’s charm. Borland doesn’t take himself too seriously, obviously not vying for any Grammys or TRL appearances.

Even though Big Dumb Face will not satisfy the majority of Bizkit fans, anyone looking for an escape from the Limpdom should be pleasantly surprised and amused by “Duke Lion.”

“Hell Below/Stars Above” Toadies Compare to: Better Than Ezra, the Pixies, Everclear **

Blow the dust off those flannels and rip new holes in those jeans because grunge music is back.

Six years have passed since the Toadies rose from the hillbilly depths of Texas with their raw, rough-edged attack. The band’s Pixies-style post-punk sound was as friendly to radio as baseball caps to state colleges. However, its first album, “Rubberneck,” could just have easily been named “The Possum Kingdom Album” by “that one band” when it first hit shelves in 1994.

Yet the catchy bite of “Possum Kingdom” held radio at bay in the mid-nineties, earning the band an unexpected vampire/goth following thanks to a creepy video on MTV.

Although by the end of 1996 it was perceived that grunge was finally dead, the coffin apparently wasn’t nailed shut tight enough because the Toadies have just released their epically-titled sophomore album “Hell Below/Stars Above.”

Barely topping the 45-minute mark, “Hell Below/Stars Above” is a revisit to the same old trademark sound of pre-mortem Nirvana. The familiar crunch of layered guitars and nicotine fueled vocals are all unabashedly there in proud, grungy glory. Apparently, two and a half straight years of touring with numerous lineup changes didn’t breed creativity.

What it did breed was a sense of maturity in frontman Todd Lewis’ writing. He made the doppler shift from teen angst to adult angst. But rest assured, Lewis knows his angst no matter what side of the spectrum. The son of a Baptist preacher, he did the whole “rebel against your parents’ religion, run away and start a rock band” thing long before Creed hit the scene. (Eat your heart out Scott Stapp.)

If nothing else, this experience added a sharp hint of intimacy and insight into the music. Songs like “Push the Hand” and “Jigsaw Girl” both show equal levels of aggression and introspection.

Other standouts include the chugging ’70s metal sound of “Sweetness” and the epic Queen-like title track with its multi-voiced chorus a la “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Unfortunately, the majority of “Hell Below/Stars Above” is a tiresome glimpse into the past. The Toadies must think they have all the time in the world to shake the “one-hit wonder” tag. But taking six years to do it is a little ridiculous – even for vampires.