They descended on our university on black wings, perching high above, mocking us, oblivious to our strife. It seems they return every year without fail, wreaking havoc on students with their cackling caws and carpet bombing of the entire campus with their foul-smelling excrement.University officials and student government leaders always claim they are combating this menace. But last year’s efforts proved unsuccessful, and it seems that even the highest ranking officials are powerless to stop this travesty.Yes, it looks as though we are in for another round of budget cuts at the hands of Republican state legislators — those excrement-spewing, carrion-eating, disease-carrying parasites who are always for looking ways to splatter us from above, metaphorically speaking.This time around, the swift kick in the pants for Iowa State amounts to $3.3 million out of a proposed $12.2 million budget cut to higher education. It seems they misjudged Iowa’s economic growth during the 2001 fiscal year, and revenue wasn’t quite what they expected. Never fear, there’s always Iowa college students to shoulder the financial responsibility for their oversight.I did some quick math. The budget bruising for Iowa State is $3.3 million, and there were 26,845 of us last fall. Assuming that number increases ever slightly to about 27,000, that amounts to an extra $122.22 per student if the budget cut is passed on entirely to students. This probably goes without saying, but that amount would be on top of the increase we already have coming our way the next school year. While $122.22 alone isn’t unbearable, the idea of paying that amount in addition to our already increased tuition is just criminal. Fortunately, I’ve come up with three things students can do to cope:1. Sell your plasma. Actually, you would be selling your time while they stick needles in you and mine your blood for plasma, but the important part is that they pay you.Anyway, while you’re there for as long as it takes to earn $122.22, have someone take a picture of you and send it to me. If enough people do it, we could send copies to Republican state senators Jeff Lamberti and Donald Redfern about how cutting Iowa State’s budget is sucking the lifeblood out of students. If they don’t see the symbolism, it would only be due to the fact that they have such silly last names.Lamberti sounds like the distant Italian cousin of immortal Highlander Christopher Lambert. (In an Italian accent, “There’a can’a be only one’a! Foccacia?”) And Redfern, well, imagine a red fern named Donald. (“No more water for Donnie until you cough up another $122.22.”) On an unrelated note, an anagram for Donald Redfern is, “fondled darner,” (a darner being a large, dark brown dragonfly). 2. Recycle cans and bottles. If each of us can recycle 2,445 cans or bottles, we can make up that magic $122.22, enough to cover the $3.3 million cut. Excluding the fraternities, I don’t think we can achieve that.However, I do think it’s plausible that each of us could recycle 200 cans, giving us each a $10 allowance to buy a whiffle bat to beat down Republican legislators. I’ll talk to Johnie Hammond about arranging a date when we take the legislature by storm. It could get violent, with the light-saber-esque hums of the whiffle bats interrupted only by tell-tale bonks and the intermittent, blood-curdling cries of “Stop that!” You’re all invited. I’ll take care of Redfern, and Johnie will engage the Italian Highlander, Lamberti, with her renowned ninjitsu technique. They’ll never cut our budget again.3. My last and most realistic advice: Get over it. Whatever happens, happens. If you haven’t figured this out by now, when it comes to tuition hikes, protesting or anything else on this campus, the authoritative entity in charge simply feigns interest in our opinion and ends up doing whatever misdeed they had planned from the beginning. The Government of the Student Body is a puppet government, and student forums are only used so they can say, “We listened.” If they ever change their opinion in student’s favor, they do it because of their own interests, not ours. This should really come as a surprise to no one.Instead of fretting over your own powerlessness, look ahead to the future. In a few years, you’ll have a dream job in Silicon Valley or Seattle or New York or Chicago, and when you read an online Daily article about some columnist whining about the state legislature’s $2.5 billion higher education budget cut or the Board of Regent’s proposed 150 percent tuition increase, you can laugh, and say, “Ha, I remember when they used to do that to us.”Sam Wong is a sophomore in electrical engineering from Ames. Apologies to Lamberti and Redfern.