What happens in Cancun stays in Cancun. At least that’s how the saying goes. So even by writing this article I’m breaking the rules of spring break. But spring break is all about breaking the rules. That’s what I learned during a week in Cancun, Mexico.

Cancun is a tropical paradise. No, it’s more like heaven, especially for the thousands of college students who come to dance and drink for a week in March.

When my friends approached me in October about going to Cancun for spring break, all I could think about were the long, cold Iowa winters. The warm beaches of Cancun combined with all-night dance clubs and eight friends sounded like the perfect international traveling experience.

Five months later, $800 less in my checking account and one passport in hand, I boarded a charter airplane filled with college students to fly from Kansas City, Mo., to Cancun, Mexico. When the warm weather hit me three hours later, it melted away my worries. I forgot about school, work and the general stress of being a college student. I had reached paradise.

My dream was short-lived. Cancun is an expensive place. Mexico in general may be cheap. But Cancun is very expensive, especially during spring break. And especially for a poor Iowa farm girl like me.

During the bus ride to our hotel, our Student Travel Services representative told us that every bar in Cancun has a cover – about $30. But once you are in the bar, it’s all you can drink. This same rep sold us VIP passes, which is basically a neon green wristband allowing you entrance to seven bars, for the low price of $160. I was floored.

But my friend Amon was still lost in paradise. He said, “Don’t sweat the small stuff; we’re in Cancun.” He ended up telling me that numerous times during the week. I’m the type of person who tends to sweat the small stuff.

So what’s the deal with the VIP pass? There were both pros and cons to the little green band. I think the VIP pass was cool because I didn’t have to carry cash with me to the bar, and our group had a set schedule of bars to go to each night. We danced in all different types of bars.

The main drawback to the VIP pass was that even though you already paid to get into the clubs, you still had to tip the bartender, waiter, shotglass girl, woman who hands you a paper towel in the restroom and basically every other person who asked for one.

Another problem was that even though it was “VIP,” there were about 3,000 other VIP spring breakers at the same bars. The bars tended to be very crowded.

Our first night in Cancun, we decided to walk along the beach. The ocean was gorgeous at 4 a.m. But the sound of crashing waves, the smell of salt and light glow of the moon were interrupted by my friend Christina turning to me and asking, “Are those people having sex?” I looked five feet in front of me to find an intoxicated couple finding love for the first time together in the moonlight. This was a common occurrence.

Our first day in Cancun was an extremely eventful one. My friends and I headed to the Student Travel Services welcome party at Carlos ‘N Charles. After walking about two hours to get there, I was so thirsty that I guzzled two glasses of red rum punch. I looked around the bar and noticed all the drunken college students. And then I looked at my watch and noticed it wasn’t even noon yet. Welcome to Cancun.

This bar was also the place where I witnessed my first wet T-shirt contest. I feel like a better person now. I’ve seen drunken girls remove their shirts and do mini-porn shows, all for the cheers of horny men. Most of all I think I witnessed a “Girls Gone Wild” video in the making.

The MTV headquarters at Fat Tuesdays was always crowded. Two of my friends signed up to be on Carmen Electra’s dance party.

They were totally excited, as any college student would be to be on the MTV spring break special. Make sure you look for me in the crowd shots of drunk college students shouting at the camera. This bar was the hub for VJs and former “Real World” cast members.

Every afternoon we went to the beach and baked in the sun. Since I am a pasty white girl, this was not the best place for me. It seemed as if no matter how much sunscreen I applied, I always missed one glowing red spot somewhere.

So that basically was our daily Cancun schedule. We would get up, eat, drink, shop a little, drink more, eat again and go out to the bars. I think this is how most Cancun vacations are. In between the drinking and sunbathing, there was shopping. This is where I learned to barter for my souvenirs. This is also the place were I learned that Mexican men love to grab American women’s butts.

My two female friends and I were shopping for T-shirts in a lovely little shop that had thongs hanging from the ceiling. The owner of the store approached us dressed in a Cancun apron. The uniqueness of Cancun aprons is that when you look under the apron there is a a fake cloth penis.

The man offered to pose for a picture with the fake penis and the three of us. Being the wild and crazy girls we are, we agreed. When the time came for the photo, the man reached for the behinds of my two friends and took a squeeze.

Another thing I learned in Cancun is that a woman’s ass is public property to any man who wants it. Everywhere you walk, men grab, squeeze or pinch your ass. At first it surprised me. I mean, my ass isn’t usually the high-quality ass that is grabbed at parties. After a while, it didn’t even faze me.

Visiting Cancun is just one of those dumb things you need to do as a college student. My Dad doesn’t understand this. Last night we talked about the highlights of my trip. He asked if I had seen bullfighting, the Mayan Ruins or anything intellectually stimulating. Of course, the answer was no.

“So basically you paid a lot of money to drink beer,” my Dad said.

“No,” I answered. “I paid a lot of money to drink beer in warm weather.”

And to see what thousands of drunken college students do when they are stuck in a foreign country miles away from their parents.

Michelle Kann is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Garnavillo. She is online editor of the Daily.