Relationship check-ups are available free on the Family and Consumer Sciences Web site.Harvey Joanning, coordinator for the Marriage and Family Therapy graduate program, said there is an old saying: “It’s hard to be part of the solution if you’re part of the problem.” He said sometimes a third party needs to intervene to help the relationship. “If a couple is experiencing relationship problems, a third party is often necessary to assess the problem,” said Joanning, professor of human development and family studies. Some basic elements needed for a healthy relationship are mutual respect, companionship, friendship, attentiveness, commitment and shared values and attitudes. He said a relationship cannot be healthy and have contempt, criticism or stonewalling at the same time. “For some people, seeking therapy is hard. There is a certain stigma associated with therapy that says something must be wrong with you,” said Ronald Werner-Wilson, program director for the Marriage and Family Therapy Clinic and coordinator for the Marriage and Family Therapy Masters program. “This problem is bigger for men. Many men believe that if you have a problem you should work it out by yourself; however, therapy is more accepted now than it has been in the past,” he saidMost of the time women are more likely to initiate or agree to relationship therapy than men because women are more comfortable talking about what is bothering them in a relationship, Joanning said. “If something feels wrong in a relationship, women are more likely to be open to therapy in order to fix the problem than men,” he said. The report will be based on a solid assessment that has been used for more than 20 years, said Werner-Wilson, assistant professor of human development and family studies. The test is based on a scale of one to 100. The normative range is 30 to 70, and the absolute average is 50. The cost of therapy can be expensive — as much as $75 to $125 per hour in a private practice, Werner-Wilson said. Rates vary at the ISU Marriage and Family Therapy Clinic.”There is a sliding fee based on income and the number of people in a household,” Werner-Wilson said. The “check-up” quiz can be found on the FCS Web site at www.fcs.iastate.edu/marriage/check-up.htm. Once the test is submitted, results are calculated and re returned to participants via e-mail.