Before I get started, I have to say that as far back as I can remember, Meg Ryan has looked exactly the same as she does today. What is up with that? She has never looked or acted younger than she does today and if I had to put money on anyone in Hollywood being undead, it would be her. Undead or not, I would still do her. By “do” I mean “make sweet love to” of course, but I say “do” because I don’t know her as a person and it would be hypocritical of me to suggest I am operating on anything more than hormones here. Hopefully she won’t write a boring letter to the editor about being objectified when her whole career is based on her looks. Because, let’s face it, Meg Ryan is a talentless hussy with a cutie pie face and not much else.On the subject of objectifying women, there is a saying that “crisis creates opportunity.” There is also a saying that “opportunists abound.” The negative reaction provoked by the few people who came forward to take political advantage of the drawing that accompanied the article on “The Vagina Monologues” took an opportunity to take advantage of the one source of support theater and left-wing politics have on campus.One person’s idea of innocent horseplay might be another person’s idea of “a profound insult.” But then the same thing can be said of anyone’s idea of “creative expression.” One person’s art is another person’s chance to draw as much attention to themselves as possible.While it might be argued that the letter from Shirley Dunlap and company was merely an attempt to “draw attention” to our deeply naive and highly insulting graphic, the letter was nothing more than an ignorant and juvenile attempt to politicize a special project.What is appalling is that anyone charged with educating students feels it is appropriate to lecture students in another field on how to do the jobs they already do so well. The most unfortunate thing about it was the suggestion that enlightening people and lightening up are mutually exclusive. Often enough, lightening up can be the first step toward enlightenment.Anyone who thinks women are more empowered by shouting “vagina” and “cunt” than they are by running the Iowa State Daily is sorely mistaken. Shirley obviously thought the Daily was run by a cabal of men. Apparently denigration is up for interpretation as well. A piece of newspaper art is denigrating, but forcing a couple of coeds to beg and scrape for forgiveness is what? Just good politics?I would have told her to bite me.But then isn’t everything in college just full of BS? Allow me to demonstrate through an arcane pop culture reference. Same thing, different day, huh?In 1979, a low-budget film called “Breaking Away” was nominated for five academy awards including best picture, best actor and best director. It was a heart-warming tale of a kid growing up in town split into wealthy college kids on the one side and poor townie kids or “cutters” on the other. The cutters were so named because the primary industry in this town was stone cutting. It is about coming to terms with who you are and where you come from and whether it is necessary or required to break away from one’s roots to fulfill one’s potential. It was light fare with a heavy 10-speed racing theme on the outside. It contained deeper meaning if one chose to look for it. Today you would be hard-pressed to find anyone who recalls it, let alone holds it up as a masterpiece of American cinema, but I remember it fondly. It was a piece about working class people ashamed of who they are, trying to break away from their roots without good cause and finally learning to be proud in spite of the razzing from college pricks.When I was a kid I thought it was about how the only hope the protagonist had was to go to college and become better than his working class background. The subtlety was lost on me until much later when I was actually in college and caught “Breaking Away” late one night on American Movie Classics. Then it dawned on me that there was a better message.College is a con job. Anciently, learning was a luxury for second sons of the wealthy who would not inherit their fathers’ lands. Knowledge was something these guys gained in the priesthood and that is why the human race foundered in darkness for most of its history.University was eventually a place for the sons of the wealthy middle class to achieve a standard of excellence determined through classical education during the Renaissance. And it stayed that way for some time.We all grow up thinking college is our only hope at achieving the American dream. A rubber stamp of approval from the semi-educated middle-class wanks we want to be. Our culture does its best to create in all of us the notion that we need college or we are lost.Often enough it just isn’t the case. If you want to be an English professor, you need an advanced degree. If you want to be an engineer, you need that knowledge and that certificate. But if you want to be truly educated, you can do that on your own. Get a library card, because liberal arts education just isn’t here anymore. If you think it is, you are a chump.Go to technical school for the certificate, learn how to type and get a library card and most of you will have everything you want from this university except that all-important piece of paper that says “you have arrived.”It isn’t just Iowa State, it is every university in the country. We are customers in a big business enterprise. We are investors paying huge sums to keep corporate America supplied with fresh, pre-approved, indoctrinated suck-ups. Are you getting an education? By the time you get out of school, you are broke, in debt up to your eyeballs and praying for a job that will pay your bills. You have little choice but to buy into whatever position pays you the most and you will be too scared of losing that job to make waves.College is a good place to waste away all that surplus idealism so you don’t get out into the real world and think you have the right to rock the boat. Idealism is like acne. If you get it, it comes on in puberty and festers right through your early 20s. Usually it clears up to almost nothing by the time you are 22.But there are opportunities here. I owe my career to the Iowa State Daily, but it didn’t come easy.A combination of bad influences (mostly middle-class, rich, white teachers) had me convinced I should go into the army or become a trucker.Had I listened, I would never have written an award-winning play or discovered that my true passion was for journalism. I would have wasted away in telemarketing jobs until I died.If you insist on being here, don’t let anyone short change you. The only thing worse than realizing what a con job they’ve got going here is realizing that you didn’t get your money’s worth before you left.Know why you want to be here. Be certain of your purpose. Have confidence and the conviction you need to project that sense of entitlement the middle class uses as a secret handshake to recognize their own.And be honest with yourself. Don’t convince yourself you are middle class when you probably aren’t. Embrace your true heritage. If your grandparents were farmers, you can’t shake off that dust just because your mom is a secretary and dad is middle management.In England, classist discrimination is more obvious, no one denies it. You can argue about it and do something about it.In America, we believe religiously that class doesn’t exist; everyone gets exactly what they deserve. We believe that rich or poor you make your own fortune. Class can be overcome in America, but only by being a class traitor, one ashamed of being working class and buying into the middle and upper class horse hockey.We believe there are no barriers to success and therefore casting aspersions or making allegations of classism is unfounded whining. You can’t hate the player or the game in America. Just nod and pretend to agree with the haves until they give you what you want. Bitching won’t change anything. Leave that to guys like me. Model your life after the people who started off humbly and made their fortunes. Great Americans aren’t born, they make themselves. Bootleggers like the Kennedy clan made their money by finding a loophole and exploiting it. Pornographers like Larry Flynt might be disgusting on one level but overcoming crippling poverty to head a legitimate publishing empire is nothing but genius.And when all else fails … dance.Greg Jerrett is a graduate student in English from Council Bluffs. He is opinion editor of the Daily. Thanks, Z.