I’ve never been much for fashion designers. I don’t own any Armani, Versace or Calvin Klein. Some things are better without one individual calling the shots. Take monkeys, for example.Newsweek reported this week in the article “Brave New Monkey” that the world got its first taste of a genetically altered primate by the name of ANDi. In general, he is much like other monkeys. He is furry, has a tail, and he plays well with other monkeys. However, unlike other monkeys, he is designed to carry certain genes. Through a process of microinjection of genetic material into viral matter that would deliver the injected genes to all the subject’s cells, ANDi now carries a foreign gene he will theoretically be able to pass on to all of his offspring.Why would we do this? Well, that’s a good question. I suppose there are several reasons. First, science loves to do weird things to monkeys, rabbits and other mammals. Secondly, there is a belief that this development may lead to people’s ability to custom-design certain genetic traits into their children.This is going too far. While I can understand using gene therapy to combat genetic disorders like cystic fibrosis, the ability to custom-create children is unnecessary and discriminatory.Why would it be unnecessary? Well, back where I come from, we have a simple way of “genetically sculpting” individuals. It’s called dating. If you want to have smart children, date someone intelligent, and you might as well learn to read yourself. If you want attractive children, find a date with a supermodel or buy her eggs off eBay. If you want children with blonde hair and blue eyes, you have children with someone with those traits and eventually, it will probably happen. Granted, we can’t have everything we want, but frankly, it really shouldn’t make that much of a difference. Sure, I may want my children to be seven feet tall and be able to slam dunk a basketball for about fifty million dollars a year, but frankly, I am not counting on it.However, what makes the technology even worse is that it is highly discriminatory. The simple fact is that designing children will be expensive. Certainly, no one wants to have a child who suffers from genetic disorders, and everyone wants a Nobel laureate who can hit 70 home runs and run the mile in under four minutes. But this new technology will probably never allow us that kind of control. Even if it did, it would only serve a dangerous function. With the costs it would take to genetically design a child, only the richest could afford it. If we do perfect the technology, it would only serve to perpetuate the status quo. Furthermore, such genetic success would also raise standards of excellence to unreachable levels for anyone who isn’t genetically designed. This harkens back to a story by Kurt Vonnegut called “Harrison Bergeron.” The story involves a society that has forced total equality on everyone. The smart are kept from using their minds, the strong are weighed down and the attractive are forced to wear silly masks. Harrison is perfect and overcomes all obstacles. All parents want a Harrison Bergeron. Given a choice, you aren’t going to make your child look like Woody Allen and have the body of Dom DeLuise. Does that mean those people are genetically inferior? Possibly, but oh well. Deal with it.I like my genetic flaws. I’ll deal with the fact that I’m not an All-American football player or golfer. I like that I developed an appreciation for the arts even though that would probably be engineered out so I can more clearly handle scientific data and mathematical equations.Regardless of moral reasons, genetic designing should be forgotten because it takes the fun out of children. If you really want to make sure your child is a success, start a high-stakes office pool and take wagers on the traits your child will exert. Then, take a percentage off the top, and you’ve already earned enough to guarantee your child the private education he needs to get off to a good start.If you want children to exert traits, you’re probably attracted to people with those traits anyway. All you have to do is convince them to help you in your quest for the perfect child. It’s probably not as easy as it sounds, but still, it’s not nearly as expensive. And, after all, showing good sense with your money implies great intelligence.The fact is, children aren’t supposed to be created in a laboratory unless, of course, that’s where the heat of passion strikes you.

Tim Kearns is a junior in political science from Bellevue, Neb. He wants to be genetically engineered to grasp both William Faulkner and the joy of watching golf on television.