As we enter the new year, there are dozens of subjects absolutely begging for media coverage. Some of these include the transition of George W. Bush into the White House, Bush’s cabinet appointments, President Clinton’s last-ditch efforts for peace in the Middle East and Iowa State’s Insight.com Bowl victory.However, in a desperate attempt to increase ratings among 13-year-old boys, today’s column will be on the most sensitive of topics: breasts. During Christmas break, I happened to tune in to Omaha radio and hear about the most bizarre on-air contest in my life. The radio station, which will remain nameless, had a competition entitled “The Breast New Year’s Ever”. Women were expected to write to the station explaining why they deserved a pair of breast implants. Then, among all those who submitted reasons, three would be examined by a prominent plastic surgeon and a winner would be chosen.

It takes a lot to disgust me. This was more than enough.Not only is the contest the most bizarre thing I’ve heard, but, considering the demographic of the station, which seems to be teeny-boppers who love N’Sync, The Backstreet Boys and Matchbox 20, the station is the worst possible influence.

First, the idea of giving away breast implants seems ridiculous to me. Except for people who are recovering from breast cancer or some malformity, I really can’t understand the benefit of a woman getting implants. Perhaps their boyfriend may love it, but I fail to see the appeal for the woman. However, the realist in me realizes that there were probably a large number of people who wanted desperately to win this contest, including people I know, in all probability.Second, the idea of giving them away may fit perfectly with shock jocks like Howard Stern, but on stations aiming at a teenage demographic, this promotion is about half a step from cigarette ads with cartoon characters or the National Rifle Association having Kiddy Rifle Day at Yankee Stadium.The plastic surgeon doing this is bringing a great deal of shame to his profession. Even among a group of people who are largely considered beneficiaries of an often superficial society, this guy seems predatory. The only real factor he has going in his favor is the fact that there are worse doctors out there. In an Associated Press report from Jan. 5 entitled “Doctor May Have Killed Hundreds,” the story of Dr. Harold Shipman was told. Shipman had been convicted of murdering 15 elderly patients, and after reviewing his records, the number is probably closer to 300. So, comparably, convincing a few N’Sync fans that their chests are pathetically inadequate seems like a minor crime.This competition starts to show how far we’ve sunk in American society. If women will degrade themselves in order to “earn” surgical manipulation and potentially destructive problems down the road — so that they might appear more attractive now — it’s time to blow the whistle on meaningless cosmetic surgery.There is definitely a use for plastic surgery, and it can be beneficial to people born with malformities, or recovering from accidents that might otherwise have left them scarred for life. But using it to satisfy a teenage girl’s dream of being the next Britney Spears isn’t the way to go.Maybe next year they could convince kids to be even more superficial and hold some sort of anti-Semitism contest or maybe continue their idiotic influence by urging listeners to use drugs, so that they can be more like their favorite musical artists.The only way to counter a contest this stupid is to hold another similar contest. In mine, instead of having girls explain why they want breast implants, they should nominate men who should receive those implants. If there’s any guy on campus, in your hometown or even in all of history you feel needs a nice set of hard silicone breasts, here’s your chance to make sure he gets the “help” he needs.Just imagine how history might have been changed if Hitler had been so ashamed of his appearance that he could never have left his house because he looked like Meat Loaf. This contest could very well have changed the world that we know.So, ladies, e-mail any nominations you have to [email protected]. And in case you’re having any difficulty coming up with candidates, I highly recommend voting for Eminem, Timothy McVeigh or even Martin Jischke.In order to prevent favoritism, employees of the Iowa State Daily, especially me, are not eligible for the grand prize. Strike a blow against chauvinism and superficiality in the most ironic way possible, by winning your least favorite guy a wonderful pair of implants.