Although I do not want to disappoint my loyal fans with a light topic to end the semester, the realization is that it is Dead Week, and I have enough other things to worry about. So to put a finishing touch on the fall semester and to save myself some effort, I chose to write about something that is very easy for me to talk about, myself.

To keep with the holiday spirit and because of my undying belief in Santa Claus, I think I’ll take this time to fill out my Christmas wish list.

1) Cyclone bowl game victory. Iowa State has not been to a bowl game since my dad was an undergrad here. With the promise of a trip to Phoenix quickly approaching, I think we have put in more than our fair share of time. Finally the excitement is back in Cyclone football and the fever has swept over Iowa State. It is time to show the nation that this team is here to stay, and the best way to do that is to put Pittsburgh down early and never look back. Plus, imagine how much fun the post-game parties will be after a nine- win season. We deserve this one, and I’m sure we will be ready.

2) No car problems on the way to Phoenix. Anybody who has seen my car knows this has a very real possibility of being a major problem. With the drive taking nearly 30 hours and my car loaded down with as many people as we can humanly fit inside, I can easily foresee the wheels coming off or the engine exploding. I don’t know if even St. Nick can save me on this one.

3) Somebody to help pay my fines. My spring break plans came to an abrupt halt about a month ago when the DPS decided they needed my money worse than I do. Without going into this subject much deeper, let me just say that if anyone is in the spirit of giving, I am definitely in need of receiving on this topic. The old saying is that ‘you can’t put a price on a good time,’ but apparently the DPS can, and it seems just a little high.

4) Good Grades on Finals. This may be another area where Santa may not be able to help enough. When you’re in a position that all the work you have done for an entire semester becomes irrelevant to how well you do during the last week, it can be more than a little stressful. I wish everyone good luck on this one; we’re all gonna need it.

5) July 15 to get here fast. I am anxiously anticipating this day when I will finally turn 21 and be able to experience this alcohol thing that so many people seem to be enjoying here at Iowa State. I know people that have chosen to try this before their 21st birthday, and I have thought about it before, but my mommy told me that I would go to hell if I did. I guess good things come to those who wait, or that’s what I’m told.

6) Something for supper other than chicken at food service. Chicken nuggets, chicken strips, chicken patties and chicken fingers. I know Iowa has a lot of chickens but that doesn’t mean that we need to single handily eat them all. Just for once, how about some smoked ferret or baked squirrel?

7) A Pond for Scooter to swim in. If you have ever seen a weirdlooking guy walking around carrying a plastic decoy duck on Friday and Saturday nights that was me. His name is Scooter, and he is a real chick magnet. Unfortunately, he has fallen on some hard times lately and is desperately searching for a place to lay his beak at night.

8) 10,000 Blueberry Krispy KreME doughnuts. These are the best food substance known to man and really hit the spot after a long night at the clubs. They’re even better if the guy at Kum-n-Go will get them out of the case for you (inside joke, but funny nonetheless).

9) World Peace. Just to prove that I am not completely self-centered. It may be a long shot, but if everyone in the world puts this one on their list it should work out in the end.

10) A GIRLFRIEND. I’m really looking for some help from Kris Kringle on this one. But hey, I’m a wishful thinker and this always seemed to work for Borchers. I’m a fun-loving guy who enjoys candlelit dinners of hot dogs and nachos, I like long walks down short piers, and I have an undying love for spider monkeys and midgets. If anyone finds these qualities attractive and doesn’t find my picture repulsive, they can leave a note on my personal Web site at stillmanneedsadate.com. To date the site has 000.0 hits, but that could change.

Now that I have wasted the last five minutes of your life, I will leave you to your studies. Good luck on finals and Happy Holidays.