The word “love” can mean many different things to different people. Love is one of the emotions that even as children, we are told is a good thing. We are told that it is something to be strived for and attained as soon as possible, but for others, love can strike fear and memories of hardship into their mind.

Falling in love can be a complicated process for many people, especially those who have a complicated history of relationships with friends, family, or significant others. Many times it can be hard to accept due to past experiences causing emotional strain and trauma that can last for years. This is a poem that could encapsulate one view of why it is so hard to love.

This is a poem to anyone I’ve ever loved; I am sorry for not being there. And you know what I mean when I’m there, but not like, really there. Almost like I’m off in my own world and not listening to what you’re saying.

It’s something I do to defend myself. To make sure I don’t get too attached. Like if I don’t fully listen to you, I won’t love you so much. Because, see, the funny thing about me is that I fall in love so easily, but I can never seem to fall out.

I have never wanted to admit it, but I have a hard time trusting. It’s not even because of you, really. It’s because of everyone before you.

They became a part of me when I decided to extend myself out to them. I lent them my emotions and my mind rent-free. Let them move in and decorate exactly how they wanted. Let them keep a toothbrush and clothes. Let them call me home. They signed a lease that promised forever, but they decided to move out early, and forgot to return the key.

I became so dependent on them to carry me that I forgot to walk by myself. And that’s why I’m writing this.

To everyone I have ever loved, I am sorry. I am sorry for depending on you so much. For not knowing my own worth. For not trusting you. For not loving myself before I started loving you.

I wanted to let you all know that I am still trying. I am still learning. I am still working, and I am still loving.

To everyone I’ve ever loved, thank you for loving me.