The court case deciding whether the Ku Klux Klan has the right to adopt a section of highway in Missouri has made its way to the highest court in the land.

For a few years, the appeal made by the state of Missouri to remove the Klan from a one-mile stretch of the interstate south of St. Louis has wound through many lower-level courts ,which have all ruled in favor of the Klan. The Klan’s lawyer said, “If nothing else the First Amendment stands for the proposition that the government has no right to exclude you or treat you in a different manner because of the viewpoints you express.”

On the other end of the spectrum is the state of Missouri, which contends the state cannot be forced to post signs “suggesting that the state approves of, and is grateful for, the Klan’s participation in the Adopt-A-Highway program.”

I’m not sure if the state of Missouri has forgotten that picking up garbage is not the most desirable position in the world. If the Klan wants to do society a favor, I can’t understand why we won’t let them. It would only make sense that we let them Adopt-A-Highway. Why not let them adopt a whole bunch of highways? The perfect solution to this problem seems to be to give the Klan a one-mile stretch of roadway about every 25 miles.

Just think of how much easier this would make cleaning the ditches for the rest of us. You could drive down the road for miles and see ditches without trash lying in them. Then you would come to the Klan ditch and see a pile of stinking filth. People would save up all their burger wrappers and plastic cups for these sites, not just toss them out at any random location. Not only would people save the garbage in their cars, but they would also load up their trash from home and take it to the KKK stretch of highway, and toss it out the windows. This idea seems so simple that it just might work. Not only would it take care of the court case, but it would take care of three major problems at once.

The first problem would be that the more time the Klan members spent down in the ditch cleaning up my mess, the less time they would have for their sickening demonstrations. Wouldn’t you rather see these members knee-deep in leftover pea soup and hamburger grease than marching down the streets of Birmingham?

Another problem this idea would take care of is that it would eliminate the need for landfills because we would put a stipulation in the contract saying anything that ends up in their ditch is their own responsibility to dispose. This would also take away from time for them to burn crosses because they would be spending all of their time burning our garbage. What a great thought.

The final and probably funniest thing that this plan would take care of is the thought of boring road trips. How many times have you sat in a car riding cross-country and just wishing you had something constructive to do? With the Klan members lining the ditch every 25 miles or so this boredom would turn into target practice. Just think how much fun it would be to roll down all the windows and take aim at the men in the white hoods with the greasiest, most disgusting pieces of garbage you can find.

While this may be even more unconstitutional than Missouri barring the Klan from adopting the highway in the first place, it seems only fair. If they could spread so much hatred over the past, why can’t we publicly embarrass them for a while?

So to all members of the KKK who want nothing more than to clean my trash just to get their name on a road sign, go right ahead. There is plenty more garbage from where that came.