Imagine someone walking up to you (or, as the case may be, you’re walking up to someone) and saying, “You just said something that is offensive to African-Americans, and I would like to give you an opportunity to say something about it.”

Did you know that the word, “gang,” could sound offensive to African Americans? I didn’t, until recently when someone said this to me after I acknowledged his friends with the phrase, “Hey, you’ve got the whole gang with you.”

Most of us are aware of a vocabulary-continuum that ranges from clearly offensive (e.g., the n-word) to mildly offensive (e.g., Black) to surely not offensive (e.g., tree) with African Americans. Until this conversation brought it to my attention, the word “gang” had fallen into the “surely not offensive” category. Then I discovered someone whom it truly offended.

I would not be writing this letter, if the conversation had ended once I had both expressed genuine sadness about his being offended and acknowledged learning never again to refer to a group of African Americans with the word “gang.” Instead, after acknowledging what I had learned, I was told, “That’s not the point.” As a consequence, I found myself defending the (for me) self-evident fact, “My use of the word “gang” was the same as I would have used toward a group of whites.” Yet he responded in disbelief, “No way you would refer to whites as a gang.” In his eyes I was a discriminator; he was merely bringing this (to him) obvious fact to my attention.

Such conversations end badly (as did this one) when both parties forget that offense is a two-way street. When African Americans reveal an inner state (e.g., their offense) to me, I am obliged to take it seriously. Why is it then that if I reveal an inner state (e.g., my non-discriminating nature and my offense at not having this nature taken seriously) to some African Americans, they feel no obligation to take my revelation seriously?

Years ago (while on sabbatical in Holland) my 5-year-old daughter came into the living room sobbing, stammering in Dutch about a neighbor boy who had just told her that she could not speak English. Holding back the laughter but nonetheless taking her offense seriously we reassured her (in English) that what the boy had said was clearly untrue.

Some advice: For those who are offended, please keep in mind that not everyone notices your skin color, your gender, etc. — no matter how much a part of your identity this may be.

Like English-speaking children in Holland, there are non-discriminating Americans whose claims to this effect should be taken seriously. For those accused of offending, do not lose sight of your right to be taken seriously. When someone wrongly accuses you of being a discriminator, think of my daughter, and of how this accusation is just as silly as an accusation of being unable to speak English.

Carl W. Roberts

Associate professor

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