This has been a rather confusing several weeks. Not only is there a lingering concern that the next leader of the free world is not yet clearly determined, but many other odd things have happened.

Or not happened.

I was just getting accustomed to the ebb and flow of international news; a civil war there, a famine here, maybe even a natural disaster or two.

You could almost bet that some calamity would strike a country that most Americans couldn’t find on a map.

They would get their 15 minutes, and we’d forget about them again.

Nothing has happened since Americans went to the polls. No wars, no earthquakes, not even a nasty dictator rearing his ugly head.I’m certain that the world has been really uneventful since Nov. 7 because the major news networks haven’t carried any international headline news.

Well, I guess there was that mad cow thing in France. However, we don’t really need French beef anyway, especially since the environmental watchdogs found the unapproved Starlink genetically modified corn in our food supply.

They claim that the complex proteins in the corn could be harmful to humans, and suddenly elevators all over Iowa have these unmarketable piles of confirmed Starlink or suspected Starlink corn.

Personally, I think we should just export all the Starlink corn to France and feed it to the mad cows. That could get some cool international news footage.

The really captivating news item the last several weeks has been the discovery that unbeknownst to many Americans, some guy named “chad” is running around Florida pregnant.

Suddenly, the same system that rejected genetically modified renegade corn gave us the capacity for a pregnant chad — something I’d thought was a biological impossibility — but I suppose things are different in Florida.

I wonder what it is like for chad; years of total oblivion and suddenly he is pulled into the spotlight along with the likes of James Baker and Joe Lieberman.

Evidently, chad had plenty of dimples, but I’m not sure if that led to his current expectant state or not. I’m still left hanging on that point.

I’m glad I caught every nanosecond of election coverage and analysis. Otherwise, I would be really confused about chad’s background and origin.

Evidently, there was some controversy over whether people in Florida were voting for chad or not; something about being able to distinguish him on the ballot.

I haven’t read any figures, but my hunch is this novel business with a pregnant chad is costing people dearly.

Not only is there the research and development that goes into making chad pregnant, but now he’s at the center of a swirling legal controversy involving lots of lawyers and unparalleled political scandal.

Obviously, the major news networks were interested in mocking chad and his pregnancy saga because they dovetailed stories about turkeys along with the Chad coverage.

I thought this emphasis on turkeys was a bit foul, especially since the turkeys had probably been fed Starlink corn.

I feel sorry for Chad and all the negative publicity about his pioneering efforts with pregnancy, but I’m already losing interest in his story.

Chalk up my fickle following to my latest discovery: Nelly, the rapper, is really saying E-I-E-I-O. Like Old MacDonald, the farmer.

Maybe Nelly could raise mad cows, turkeys and Starlink corn. I’d be willing to bet the outcome of that endeavor would be more productive than the rare Floridian pregnancies in guys named Chad.