RU ready for RU-486? Whether you are or not, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has deemed it ready for the United States populace, thereby bringing everyone with two brain lobes and a stem out of the closet to voice their opinion.

I guess that means that, as an opinion writer, it’s my turn. So, in a statement that will anger Democrats, Republicans, Greens, Libertarians, and Communists, I will state it… I have no opinion on abortion.

I can’t help thinking that some of it is the duality of children. For every minus, there seems to be a plus, and vice versa. For example, on the plus side, kids are cute. On the down side, they smell bad. Kids are very open-minded. But I can’t borrow money from them. On the one hand, having children would force me to accept responsibility that will, in time, build a solid character. On the other hand, having children would force me to accept responsibility that will, in time, build a solid character.

But mostly, I simply cannot take an opinion because both sides undermine their own values.

On the pro-life end, the radicals who bomb abortion clinics don’t really seem to understand their own line of “pro-life” reasoning. Even on Machiavellian terms, their actions are ludicrous. But, even the moderates are galling, because they allow exceptions to the no-abortion rule – rape and incest. I will admit that rape and incest are horrific experiences, but after all, that doesn’t change that, in pro-life terms, you’re still killing an innocent baby who did nothing to deserve the horrible fate of baby murder.

Even socially the pro-lifers, or at least the Republican pro-lifers, don’t really like to extend that right to life status to too many non-fetuses in the world.

Considering that the Republican party is an adamant supporter of the death penalty, and is constantly in search of a decline in social welfare programs, rather than simple reform, they really don’t want to keep you alive after you’ve been born. I guess they figure if they fought for you to get here in the first place, then you’re on your own.

Now we reach the other end of the spectrum – the pro-choice side. The approach of this lobby isn’t nearly as insane as bombing abortion clinics, but it’s still morally reprehensible.

Much like the NRA, the pro-choice lobby wants you to believe that abortion is such a fundamental right that without it, free society cannot exist. They want you to believe that if we outlaw abortion, our government will have complete control of our reproductive systems.

Of course, frankly, during the Clinton administration, that kind of totalitarianism could be a lot fun, but nonetheless, I fail to see the logic.

Also, on the pro-choice side, there is unilateral support for partial-birth abortions, which frankly, I don’t understand the need for. That seems a little more barbaric than is really necessary, since an abortion is not an overnight decision that one would make after waiting eight months.

On the plus side, the pro-choice side doesn’t carry out terrorist bombings, but then again, who would they kill? Pro-life would say babies, and for argumentative purposes I’ll accept that and make this a moot point.

Frankly, we need to come to a realization. Abortion is legal. The legalization of this pill isn’t going to make a huge run on abortions. I am not going to run to the drug store for a magazine, toilet paper and lots of abortion pills to take with on dates.

Since abortion is legal, and isn’t changing, pro-lifers should actually embrace RU-486, since it at least forces a pregnant woman to abort her fetus between the 3rd and 7th week of her pregnancy. At least it could put a dent in the number of partial-birth abortions that they’ve worked so hard to outlaw. However, they never will for one simple reason. They need abortion to be as grotesque as possible. Abortions via RU-486 aren’t nearly gruesome enough to be photographed and put on picket signs.

Frankly, they will oppose it because they want abortion to be as brutal and disgusting as they can get it. It’s the easiest way to convince people to oppose it.

And, to the radicals, it means they’d have to update their Web sites of abortion doctors to include your local pharmacist, who is now part of the abortion regime.

So, people of the world, make up your minds. The pill is still a bitter one to swallow, and makes the pregnant woman even more responsible for the fetus, since she is now directly aborting it.

If you choose to say life starts at conception, then I’ll be celebrating my 21st birthday 9 months early, and all of a sudden, I’ll be one popular guy on campus among freshmen.

I’m glad I’m alive today. That’s as much of an opinion as I can muster. I appreciate that my parents chose to carry the pregnancy to full-term. For reasons more anatomical than moral, I will never have an abortion.