Judas priest people, do you have nothing better to complain about? Yes, juice is good for you. Of that there can be little doubt. My nephew drinks it all the time. When you’re 7 years old and someone else is buying it for your nutritional requirements, you can afford to go swimming in the stuff.

The Inter-Residence Hall Association would like to make sweet fruit juices available at every meal. They have found that everyone seems to be in favor of it.

Well, that’s a surprise. If you poll the average person, you will find they want all sorts of wacky things. I bet if you asked your constituents if they wanted pizza and beer served at every meal they would be in favor of that, too.

Fruit is available at every meal courtesy of the fine folks in Dining Services. If diners have to chew their fruit twice a day rather than having it liquefied for their convenience to keep costs down, so be it.

Carrots are great for the eye sight, so maybe Food Service should provide those for breakfast. Broccoli is loaded with calcium, so why not put it in the omelets?

At some point, someone has to draw the line between what is a reasonable health requirement all students should have the right to expect and what amounts to sheer foolishness on the part of otherwise well-meaning representatives looking to make a difference in the lives of the people they represent.

What has our society come to when we complain about the absence of a luxury item twice a day?

Before Food Service, students were forced to live off rabbits, crabapples and Little Caesar’s — and they liked it.

Our ancestors are weeping big, fat tears of disgust at this evolutionary deadend.

Food Service should do everyone in the dorms a favor by not serving juice to anyone old enough to chew their fruit. Teach them to do things on their own.

Do you honestly expect everyone to believe that you need so much juice every day that it should be provided by Food Service at a substantial cost?

There are people who find the amount of pizza served in the dorms to be insufficient to meet their pizza needs, and they have come up with an ingenious solution to their personal problem that doesn’t cost everyone in the halls anything: they buy their own.

It’s true. Apparently there are places all over Ames that sell all kinds of food items.

In fact, juice is so commonly available that one could actually get it from vending machines if one were so inclined.

Perhaps IRHA should think about saving their constituents money by eliminating Food Service altogether and petitioning the Department of Residence to institute portable IV units for its residents so they don’t have to chew at all.

Every nutritional need of dorm dwellers could be met at a fraction of the cost if Food Service were closed down in favor of this plan.

Think about it. No more getting up to rush down to breakfast moments before they close the doors.

Get up at your leisure, insert your feeding tube into any visible vein, tape it down, adjust the drip, take your shower and get your nutrition at the same time.

If you turn the drip down slow enough, you could go all over campus with your personal Food Service IV constantly feeding you everything you need to get all the way from the library to the Towers.

Think of the advantages. For pennies a day you can completely eliminate the need to chew anything for the next four or five years.

By the time you graduate, the very idea of chewing and digesting food will seem old-fashioned.

No one is malnourished in the Residence Halls. No one is dehydrated or suffering from the scurvy that once ravaged the British Navy.

Surely during these tight economic times, we can find something less trivial to ask for.

At the very least, share the wealth with the community. If you really feel you must ask for something to improve the quality of your dorm life, ask for house cleaning.

Put your money to good use by putting in the bank account of some student or Ames resident so they can empty your trash once a week or mop your floor.

What it comes down to is juice may sound like a simple enough request — the kind of thing no one should hold against your for wanting.

But when you ask everyone in the dorms to tag an extra $20 onto their U-Bill for liquefied fruit three times a day instead of just once, you should look at the big picture.

When many students are worried they may not be coming back next year after the tuition increase takes effect, simple requests can cost a lost more than a few dollars for fruit.

Anyone who tells you differently is only looking out for their own best interest.