Al Gore and George W. Bush are actually a single alien entity planning to conquer the earth! At least according to Rage Against the Machine’s latest music video, “Testify,” their second one directed by anti-business populist Michael Moore from the ass-kicking “Battle of Los Angeles.” The video features an intense barrage of coverage with the two candidates smiling, dancing and saying the same things. A clip quotes Gore saying “I support the death penalty,” and Bush repeats him seconds later. The video points out the candidates’ similarities on free trade, clean air and soft money. It ends with Green Party candidate Ralph Nader declaring that 100 million people won’t vote this November for lack of a real choice. It’s an entertaining video that brings up legitimate issues like the effect of sanctions against Iraq. The video is a three-minute piece of pro-Nader propaganda. Rage Against the Machine’s primary causes – a fair trial for Mumia Abu Jamal and the release of Native American activist Leonard Peltier – are notably absent from the video. Instead, director Michael Moore, who has publicly endorsed Nader, uses Rage’s song as background music in an ad for Nader. I can’t believe the band let him get away with it. Almost every idea in the video was lifted from Nader rhetoric: Both candidates are exactly the same! They support the death penalty! They’re for free trade! They accept soft money! It’s pathetic. The only Nader-free concept – that the two major candidates are extraterrestrials – Moore stole from “The Simpsons Halloween Special.” Let me enlighten all you Naderites who think Bush and Gore are too alike: Ralph Nader is an old, white, multi-millionaire male, too. He went to Princeton and Harvard. He’s worth at least $3.8 million from buying stock in companies like Cisco Systems, Inc. When asked by the Washington Post about his stock picks, he claimed defensively, “No. 1, they’re not monopolists, and No. 2, they don’t produce land mines, napalm, weapons.” With lies like that, maybe he is presidential material-Cisco may not produce instruments of war, but any IT professional will tell you that the company is the veritable Microsoft of Internet routers. So does Nader’s age, race, sex, education and financial well-being make him identical to Bush or Gore? Of course not! A few similarities in a sea of dissimilarities don’t make two candidates the same. Unless you believe Nader’s diatribe. It is stupid and unrealistic to demand that candidates be polar opposites on every issue to be considered unique. There are significant differences in the platforms of the two candidates that Nader won’t tell you about. Bush, a former small business growth, thinks rich people need a fat tax cut. He wants the Ten Commandments in schools. “Big-time” Dick Cheney, the vote-skipping, multimillion-dollar CEO of the “American-asses only toilet” company, Halliburton, will spend his time scoring his employer more billion dollar contracts like he did under Dubya’s daddy’s administration. If elected, the two would promote special interests, fudge over the economy, break every environmental protection law Nader helped to make, nominate Pat Buchanan-esque justices to the Supreme Court and let Microsoft off the hook. Gore isn’t nearly that bad. A lot of things Nader cares about will happen with him. For instance, he’s already promised to sign Feingold-McCain into law. He’s a tree-hugger. He would get Supreme Court Justices that respect women’s rights and recognize the distinction between public school and Sunday school. He’d also make college tuition tax-deductible, something we students could benefit from, with all the Board of Regent’s rubber glove snapping going on. A month or two ago, I would have tried to convince the 12 or so of you Nader disciples that a vote for Nader is a vote for Bush. It still is, but the political landscape has changed dramatically since then. Gore’s since won the support of the Teamsters and environmental groups. He’s held a significant lead in the polls. Over 20 points with women. Therefore, I no longer see the need to beg you to change your vote because Nader’s quickly becoming statistically worthless. So vote for him all you want. In fact, I wish you guys the best of luck in helping him get the 5 percent he needs for the federal funding he needs to lose again in 2004.