I hate to be accused of things I haven’t done. Baseless allegations makes me feel guilty for things I haven’t done and make me think I should have done them in the first place. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I have to accept the punishment, I might as well take pleasure from the crime. Time and time again the Daily gets accused of greek-bashing. As a whole, that is not true. Sure, a letter here, a column there, that’s one thing. But we run feature photos of greeks on trampolines and teeter-totters, front page stories about blood drives, homecoming, Veishea and Greek Week, and when we run one story about a crime commited by a fraternity, the letters flood in. “Why does the Daily always bash greeks?” ” When was the last time you read an opinion column where a member of the greek system declared how much he hated people in the dorms or off-campus housing?” “Don’t lump us all together.” And my favorite, “We aren’t elitist.” Every year, greek-bashing comes up not because we practice it, but because we don’t whitewash stories set in greekland. If we do a story that does not bathe the greek system in glowing angelic light, we must be anti-greek. So let’s solve this problem now. This column is a litmus test designed to let the greek community know when you are and are not being bashed. Cut this column out and the next time you read a news story about some guys in a fraternity committing crimes and you think the greek system has been somehow impuned, hold this column next to it and realize the Daily was just doing their job because THIS IS GREEK BASHING. Here is the prologue most of you are just going to hate with a fiery passion. I also expect most of you to ignore it. I used to be in a fraternity. That’s right. Greg Jerrett, Pi Kappa Phi. Check it out boys, my picture is right up on your wall. Used to do beer bongs and keg stands right in the basement you have dinner in and throw the odd party. So take that into account when you read the rest of this little opus. First off, you are not a beleagured minority. You are not part of an underclass of people that has been oppressed for hundreds of years. Stop trying to enlist our sympathy as if you were one. Each of you went fraternity shoppping, not because it would make you part of a deviant subculture, but because it would symbolize your superiority. You could wear your letters with pride and every other greek would know you were one of them. Which brings me to my second point: elitism. You are the definition of elitism. Stop saying you aren’t elitist. Why would you join a frat if not to be better than Johnny Dormroom? Third, don’t act like you have no contempt for Johnny Dormroom. I believe the term we used to use was god damned independents (GDIs) and I’m pretty sure it still is. Fourth, please stop saying you work hard to shed your “Animal House” rep. That movie is half the reason most guys join frats. They want the brotherhood, the parties and the chicks. If you wanted to shed the “Animal House” rep, you wouldn’t bring it up when no one else has mentioned it. You wouldn’t give each other nicknames like Chicken, Goose, Whitey, Otis and Meat. You wouldn’t have contests to see who could laid more. Fifth, when news happens and we call your house or Greek Affairs to get your side of the story, don’t hang up on us just to call the next day complaining we didn’t get your side of the story. Greeks work here and don’t mind sharing the fact that you have been told not to talk to us. Sixth, don’t tell us a frat house is not different from a dorm because we know better. No one rushes a dorm. Dorms don’t decide a guy is too much of a geek to live there. Half the people on any given dorm floor don’t know the other half and don’t care to. Try as they might, community building is next to nothing compared to the greek system. Seventh, don’t act like you have no control over what guys in your house do, peer pressure is definitely a factor. No one gets laid in a frat house without everyone knowing about it. So when a guy walks in with a statue, take a moment and ask, “Hey, my brother, got a receipt?” Eighth, if you do steal statues and want to deny it, don’t display them proudly on your web site. I do not personally believe all greeks are a bad lot. Individuals from all walks do a lot of good on this campus. But don’t cluster together in self-defense and act offended when we notice and don’t expect the rest of us to look up to you while you’re looking down on us.