Members of the far right must know they’re in election trouble. Lately, they’ve started an anti-Democrats “top ten list” letter-writing campaign. Since straw men are so easy to create (and so fun), I though I’d try my hand at reasons to vote Republican. 10. Children of the rich are inherently deserving of any and all handouts their parents want to give them, no matter how little work they do. Working mothers in poverty are not inherently deserving of society’s handouts and can go hang. 9. Democracy is great, except when the will of the majority outweighs total personal freedom or opposes economic aristocracy. Then, it needs adjusting. 8. The ultra-rich have it rough in this country and need all the help (tax breaks, etc.) we can give them. The evidence for this is that everyone would rather be poor than rich. 7 a. The rights of single-celled organisms take precedence over women having control of their bodies. 7 b. The rights of bigots to systematically discriminate against homosexuals must not be infringed. 6. Money that government touches spontaneously combusts, destroying the economy. Money retained by individuals grows the economy, even if literally burnt. 5. All good flows from the unregulated free market. Just ask Firestone Tires – or OPEC. 4. Burning the U.S. flag should be outlawed as a form of expression that is dangerous to our society, as the current wave of flag-burning amply demonstrates. 3. The Second Amendment guarantees a timeless, absolute individual right to any and all armament. Bill of Rights freedoms must never be adapted or limited for responsibility’s sake in any way (see number 4). 2. Saint Reagan is responsible for all good in the 20th Century (maybe more, but we’re still looking into it). 1. The 19th Century rocked, and we need a Supreme Court that knows it! Jonathan Williams

Graduate Student

Electrical Engineering