The rock `n’ roll lifestyle is supposed to be veritable orgy, filled with beautiful women, free-flowing alcohol and nonstop insanity. About a week ago, I went to see Goldfinger, the Urge and Mest at Super Toad in Des Moines, and I decided it was the perfect time to find out what it was really like to be a rock star. During the show, it was impossible to avoid attractive girls, and there was a never-ending wave of bodies flowing from floor to stage. Though the majority of the crowd was underage, the smell of beer pervaded the air. When headliner Goldfinger finished its encore performance, I was ready to experience the rock `n’ roll lifestyle. Most of my friends balked at the idea, saying they would rather go home and sleep. Sure it was a Wednesday night and I had a test the next day, but I wanted an orgy. And I knew just the guy to make all my dreams come true – Mest frontman Tony Lovato. I had interviewed him for the Daily, and I was sure he could help me on my quest. Following Mest’s set, I had given him a copy of the article I had written and briefly talked to him at the merch table. Sure, he had a Britney Spears fetish (I’m more of a Christina Aguilera fan), but I wasn’t going to hold it against him. My friend Megan turned out to be the only person willing to go with me to find Tony. We walked around the back of Super Toad and were almost blinded by the lights of an ambulance. Someone had been hurt, but the situation wasn’t critical. There were a few people standing around, but none of the bands had come out to sign autographs or talk to fans. This was not rock `n’ roll. Steve Ewing, the Urge’s lead singer, eventually came out, but I still hadn’t seen Tony. The Mest frontman was the next one out of the venue. Finally, Megan and I had our chance to be a part of some crazy rock star antics. I called over to Tony, and we ended up talking for about 15 minutes about the show and how he was punched in the back when he went crowd-surfing during Goldfinger’s set. What really excited me, however, was when he asked if Megan and I were going to stick around for awhile. All I could think was, “We’re going to party with Mest.” Tony’s next words were exciting though almost a little discouraging. “Well, we’re gonna be here chilling all night, so if you guys want to come hang out on our RV, we’ll be here,” he said, retreating to Mest’s RV. “RV?” I wondered. The vehicle was dwarfed by the other bands’ buses. This wasn’t the crazy rock `n’ roll, Led Zeppelinesque experience I had imagined, but I still had hope. We talked to Goldfinger’s Charlie Paulson and Kelly LeMieux, but my mind kept wandering to the thought of hanging out with Tony and all the Mest groupies. Finally, we decided to go find Tony. I was somewhat hesitant as we approached Mest’s rolling home. Sure, it was an RV, but it wasn’t just any RV – it was a rock star RV. With some prodding from Megan, I knocked on the door. It swung open, and we entered to the sounds of Everclear. No one on the RV spoke for a moment, and I felt distinctly out of place. Tony recognized me, and I sat down across from him. Conversation resumed as though there had been no disturbance. Megan and I talked with a semi-drunk Tony while attempting to ignore the wasted, constantly babbling groupie who had just turned 21. Another guy on the RV was attempting to argue with Goldfinger’s Charlie about the time the punk band had played with Slipknot. The guitarist left soon after and didn’t come back, disgusted with the situation. I began to suspect there was no orgy forthcoming. Tony, who appeared to have come to the same conclusion as me, looked depressed. After stating repeatedly that he just wanted to sleep, the Mest vocalist left the RV. After surveying the pathetic scene, Megan and I decided to leave too. As we stepped off the vehicle, we noticed Tony with his back to us, peeing on one of the buses. He finished and turned around. “You guys aren’t leaving, are you?” he asked. “Actually, do you think you could get all of them to go with you? Probably not.” Tony reached out to shake my hand. “I better not use my right one,” he said. We left, not quite sure what to think of the experience. I never did experience the rock `n’ roll lifestyle, but Tony did tell me what life on the road consisted of (eerily mirroring my own existence). “Eating, sleeping and masturbating,” he said.