I remember way back when I was a wee lad growing up in the lonely corn fields of Iowa, there was a computer game called Sim City. I never could get into it, but the basic point of the game was to design a city and keep it running.

At the time, I thought it was pretty dumb. I have seen a lot of games in my time that I just don’t and won’t understand, such as role-playing snoozers and Dr. Mario. (I later figured that out.)

But my confusion with this particular product was beyond not understanding and bordered on actual concern for individuals who would be interested in such a game.

To me, it made no sense to play a computer game where the main object of the action is the same everyday, run-of-the-mill crap that we all must deal with when the game is over anyway. It’s like that creepy feeling I get when I wake up after a utterly boring, normal dream and suddenly realize that nothing weird happened in this particular dream, which ultimately makes me feel as if everything about me is blah, including my REM sleep.

So it was to my chagrin earlier this week when I realized there is now a whole franchise of Sim “blank” computer games. Sim Life, Sim Theme Park, Sim This, Sim That — and for those desperate enough for human contact, you can create a whole simulated neighborhood.

Think it would be fun to cheat on your wife, but you’re not willing to put up with the hassle? A few clicks of the mouse and you can destroy your simulated marriage by giving your sim-self up to the reverend’s sex-deprived sim-wife.

Before you know it, they’ll be other, more niche-designed Sim games, such as Sim Druggie, where users can design their own personal, simulated substance abuse problem. Or maybe Sim Religion, allowing those of us who are not the Pope to play prophet. Years down the road, I think a big-ticket seller will be Sim Sim City, a computer simulation of a person controlling a computer-simulated city.

I wish someone could explain this phenomenon to me, but the best answer I can get as to why any of this would be interesting to an actual human being interacting with their own real peers is “Well, it’s just kind of addictive.”

Yeah, so is crack.

And though playing a game where the sole purpose is to “simulate” life is not as dangerous or soul-sucking as crack cocaine, I think it is obvious that both products were designed by the CIA.

Well, maybe not the CIA, but whoever did design these programs is not only rich, but is also very in touch with the recent trend in American society to fake what doesn’t need to be faked.

Here’s a list of things which, mainly for reasons of public safety and health, have an actual need to be simulated: nuclear explosions, experimental plane testing, a Jesse Ventura presidency and any recipe from a church-sponsored cookbook.

Here’s a list of things that don’t need to be simulated: everything else.

Sure, I can understand the feeling of power that would result from ruling over a simulated universe, but personally, I would find it difficult to feel that power unless I could convince myself that the game I was playing was not what it truly was — just a bunch of damn ones and zeros.

It’s the same thing that is happening everyday on the Internet in chat rooms. Computer users log in under fake names of their own choosing and construct complete B.S. lives that parallel in no way to their own pathetic existences.

What happened to actually having a conversation with someone from time to time? Instead of taking control of their own lives, it seems like millions of American would rather create a new one or pretend to control someone else’s who doesn’t even exist outside of the digital world of computer programming.

People for years have had a desire to be someone else; that’s not a new concept. But it gets a little strange when technology can actually allow individuals to act on those impulses.

It takes a lot more ambition to keep one’s nose to the grindstone when no faux-fallback fantasy world is waiting in the wings.

But y’all out there must realize that no matter how many hours you log as a fashion model from New York in a chat room, no matter how many theme parks you design and cyber-lives you destroy, you’re still going to have to get up from the desk eventually and be a real human being.

If that’s not a problem, then go ahead, have a great time pretending to be God. Just remember that when the lights turn out, you’re just the same old dude living the same old life that will always be more thrilling than a computer game or a chat room.

---

David Roepke is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Aurora. He is a a news editor at the Daily.