Finally, next year will have a theme: “Strengthening families to become the best.”

The focus comes from one of Iowa State’s smaller but better-loved colleges, Family and Consumer Sciences, or the college formerly known as Home Economics.

Years should have themes. It makes it a lot easier to go about one’s daily life if one knows he or she is operating under the aegis of a well-thought out theme.

This year’s theme, in case you did not know, was “Advancing technology to become the best.” We are starting to see a pattern here.

While this year’s theme and next year’s theme are nice, we would like to suggest some possible themes for the future.

The College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, formerly known as Science and Humanities, can be the focus in the 2001-2002 school year. We can have lectures in the Great Hall by all the great philosophers who are still alive. The displays at the Iowa State Fair will show how freewill only exists in the most limited sense of the term and how futile it is to engage in a land war in Asia.

The theme for that year shall be “Strengthening our communication skills and praying it makes us adequately marketable” or “Biding our time until our parents make us switch to business.” The second runner-up is “Those who do not remember the past are something, something, something …”

The College of Veterinary Medicine, formerly known as … Vet Med, can have 2002-2003. There can be free viewings of “Animal ER” and “All Creatures Great and Small” in the Great Hall. They already have representatives at the State Fair. The theme for that year can be “Strengthening our livestock to become the best-tasting meat on the planet” or “Taking care of pets is only part of what we do.”

The College of Business should get 2003-2004. By that time, it should be obvious that the rapacious practices of industrialization and consumerism are responsible for the dystopia we will all be living in. Maybe they can get Alan Greenspan to come down from his lofty perch atop Mt. McKinley, where he will micro-manage the world economy, to talk about why nobody likes the new $5 bills when they finally come out.

There won’t be a State Fair that year because all the farmers will have been turned into corporate farming associates and will not be allowed the time off necessary to man the booths, stalls and exhibits. The theme that year can be “Lobbying to the federal government to make environmental laws more business friendly.”

In 2004-2005, the College of Biotechnology and Genetics, formerly known as the College of Agriculture, will toast the campus with lectures on freakishly huge fruits and vegetables and chickens that taste like beef. The theme for that year can be “Engineering nature to become more pest resistant and flavorless.”

It’s good to have a theme full of meaning. It really lets you know where you stand.

Iowa State Daily Editorial Board: Sara Ziegler, Greg Jerrett, Kate Kompas, Carrie Tett and David Roepke.