‘Last Call’

Simon and Schuster Interactive

When you were a kid, did you spend a lot of time fantasizing about what it would be like to grow up and be a real bartender? No? Then join the ranks of millions. A bartender may be everybody’s friend, but “Last Call” does nothing for bartenders or the patrons who thought about giving mixology a shot.

Move over, “Matrix,” virtual reality has taken the final leap into the mundane. Now the average person can experience what it is like to be a real-life bartender without leaving the comfort of his or her own home.

Game players might be interested in what it is like to drive a 1968 Mustang hot rod at 200 mph through the crowded streets of Moscow in the rain. That is something they might not be able to do in their wildest dreams without spending thousands of dollars and risking life in prison. Spending $20 or $30 on that experience is well worth the expense. But “Last Call” gives the game player all the hassles of being a bartender without any of the benefits.

If you are limited enough that you can’t possibly imagine what it would be like to stand behind a bar, ID snotty customers and take their drink orders while they complain about how long it is taking, then “Last Call” may be the game for you.

All you do in this game is pour drinks. From rum rickeys to rum and Cokes, the orders keep coming from businessmen on cell phones to models, new-agers, cavemen, robots and the occasional superhero. It is the lamest thing ever witnessed in the video game world.

If you sling drinks fast enough, you get tips. If you get enough tips in 20 minutes, you get to go on to the lightning round, where you provide single items to clients at an alarming pace. Then it’s on to round 2, where you get to pour some more drinks.

The whole time you mix drinks, the customers keep piling up faster and faster, and the second-rate lounge soundtrack drones on. Why would people pay to play this game in their free time?

When you come home from a hard day at work and try to relax with a nice computer/video game, why would you want that game to be like a second job where you don’t get paid? “Last Call” is much closer to torture than it is to amusement. If this series of interactive games continues, perhaps the next one will be called “Pay at the Pump” and give those interested an idea of what working at a real life gas station is like.

The cars could line up with their gas orders, and you would have to check their oil and tire pressure while filling their tanks with premium. Gas up enough cars in the time allotted, and you get to move on to the next round, where people ask for car wash tokens and beef jerky. Sound ludicrous? “Last Call” is ludicrous.

The only thing “Last Call” is good for is making you realize you shouldn’t be wasting your life playing stupid games when there is a world out there with real people in it waiting for your personal attention.

Skip the hassle of rooting around for the coffee-flavored liqueur while hitting the “charm” button to keep clients pacified, buy a bottle of rum and can of Coke, invite a couple of friends over and play bartender the old-fashioned way — by getting drunk with friends.

1 Star

Rating based on a 5 Star scale.