Well, spring break is here at last. By now, many people have probably already left for places such as Cancun, South Padre or Mazatlan.

Not me, though. I’m actually an advocate of staying around the Midwest during spring break. The reason is simple: fewer bastards.

I’m sure you’ve all seen those ads for tropical spring break trips that get wedged in the Daily. Have you ever taken a look at the people in those pictures? They look like they belong at a Tommy Hilfiger family reunion.

The whole MTV spring break experience frightens me more than international communism. The idea of spending a week surrounded by Carson Daly, hordes of trendy rich kids and their cell phones makes me sick.

It’s not like I haven’t researched this thing, either. I’ve seen a few MTV Spring Break specials. My favorites are the ones where the camera crews follow a few guys and a few girls around to find out how much recreational sex and ultraviolet radiation they can expose themselves to in a week.

What do I care if some fraternity knob from Ohio State meets a girl he can talk to about Third Eye Blind?

Nope, I’m defiantly all about staying in the Midwest over spring break. If all of the bastards are there, it significantly raises the value of being here.

Still, I can’t help but feel I’m missing out on something. All the advertising I see suggests that I should want to be like the people in the Mazatlan ads, basking in sunshine and consumerism. I guess I’d rather be at Donutland basking in donuts and, well … more donuts.

Advertising is always making me feel like I don’t quite fit in. For instance, everything from Mountain Dew to Sega seems to suggest that you’ll enjoy their products more if you’re into extreme sports.

Unfortunately, I’m not exactly what you would call an “extreme” guy. Other than semi-pro mountain biking and my brief stint as a competitive cliff diver, I do very little that could be considered extreme.

I happen to enjoy drinking a Mountain Dew while watching “Law & Order” reruns on A&E. Apparently, I’m not getting as much out of the experience as the guy jumping out of the plane on the surf board.

Sometimes it’s tough to find any advertising that’s actually aimed at you. Most products intended for people my age choose to use people I personally would not like to hang out with in their commercials.

Am I the only one that’s disturbed by Jennifer Love Hewitt being the spokesman for a generation?

Then there’s products I’m interested in that aren’t even aimed at my demographic. For example, have you ever been watching the Game Show Network and seen those ads for the little motorized scooters? I’d love one of those things.

Imagine the freedom of never having to walk to class again. You could just hop in your little scooter and ride, very slowly, to almost anywhere you want (as long as there’s no stairs).

They even have a little basket on the front so you can carry stuff.

I have yet to see a commercial for one of those scooters that has anyone under the age of 55 in it. So now, I feel like I must be some kind of a freak for wanting one, all because of the advertising.

Society and advertising go together like the chicken and the egg. What came first, the Abercrombie & Fitch hat or the wanker in the Abercrombie & Fitch hat?

It probably doesn’t even matter, because once Abercrombie & Fitch begins filling their ads with attractive people, exciting places and latent homoeroticism, hordes of twenty-somethings come running.

Everyone else going for the twenty-something market puts similar looking people in their ads. If you’re in your early 20s you’re expected to look like Mark McGrath, enjoy extreme sports and spend spring break in Cancun.

Many people respond by trying to look and act like the people in the ads. The other option is not to pay attention to the ads, but that can leave a person feeling like the man without a country.

I’d like to see ads aimed at a wider variety of people. What about a Mountain Dew ad featuring a poorly dressed college student riding around on a motorized scooter? That’s something that speaks to me.

In the meantime, I’ll just try not to let the advertising make me feel too self-conscious, and enjoy Iowa over spring break.

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Ben Godar is a senior in sociology from Ames. He is an assistant arts & entertainment editor for the Daily.