Martial arts films are a lot like pornography. If there is a story it has to be great or it just gets in the way of the action.

It must have a story of great heroism and daring stunts to beat the band or it is just a waste of fighting time.

But “Romeo Must Die” is like a bad porno flick, with small bits of great action. Unfortunately, when Jet Li is kicking the hell out of some guy, the rest of the film could go rot for all the audience could care.

The story is your basic “Romeo and Juliet,” “West Side Story” rip-off. Two powerful gangs are at odds with each other and Hang Sing (Jet Li) and Trish (Aaliyah Haughton) are caught in the middle because their stupid, little love affair makes them less than enthusiastic about all the fighting going on around them.

Hang Sing is a wrongfully imprisoned ex-cop from Hong Kong, so we know up front that he is a “good guy.” They couldn’t have beat us over the head with that one any harder, because we all know that Hong Kong cops are honor-bound to be upholders of all that is righteous.

His father is an Asian crime ring leader in the United States and his brother Po is killed by a rival black gang led by Isaac (Delroy Lindo). That sets us all up nicely for the revenge and fighting to follow.

Hang Sing is an outsider in his own family and a target to the rival gang, Hang Sing is licensed to kick as many people’s asses as get in his way.

First things first. Every rip-off of “Romeo and Juliet” starts with the false premise that it is simply the greatest love story ever told. That Romeo and Juliet’s love was some kind of pure example of the form that defied the conventions of the time and the hatred of their respective families.

But it is really a story about how stupid and horny two teenagers can be. Sure, it is dressed up for a night out on the town with some sweet language, but the fact is, it is a tragic story of how love can screw us over when we let it get out of hand. Why else is Romeo all hot and bothered about Rosalind in the first act while Benvolio lectures him about how he seems to always be in love with one woman or another. It makes sense.

Most people only see a great love story, so when it comes time to rip off Shakespeare, we get movies and plays that focus on the love and not the futile stupidity.

Moving on, “Romeo Must Die” is so loosely based on this premise that it is almost forgivable. Unfortunately, reviews can never forgive anything.

The action is fine, what there is of it. Since when do they make martial arts flicks without enough action? The story isn’t good enough to keep our interest, the least they could have done was put enough killing and mayhem in here to keep us awake. An episode of “Kung Fu” has more action in it.

It boggles the mind that we are actually expected to care about these characters. Yes, Jet Li is a hot-ass action hero who kicks so much tail it isn’t even funny. One is still hard-pressed to figure out what Trish sees in him. They have as much chemistry as a junior high science fair.

Beyond that, there is nothing of merit in this film. People are going to see it because of two false promises wrapped up in one hot and spicy egg roll — it’s an action flick with a Titanic love story.

The promise filmmakers were trying to push on the public is that both men and women would love this steaming pile to pieces. When you try to serve two masters equally well, you end up serving neither one of them.

That is the problem with “Romeo Must Die” in a nutshell, no one could decide which was more important, the fighting or the romance and they ended up doing neither one of them well at all.

So next time a martial arts film decides to expand the boundaries of its genre, it needs to be mindful of one important fact: No matter how much smooching and belly rubbing there might be, a fight flick is never going to appeal that well to the sensibilities of an audience looking for love on the big screen and guys looking to watch a fight could care less about the romance.

Go rent “Enter the Dragon” and “Titanic,” watch them in alternating five-minute sequences and see how long you can hold out. That way you can save the ticket price.

2 Stars

Rating based on a 5 Star scale.