Ladies and gentlemen of spring break 2000: Wear sunscreen.

If we can offer you only one tip for spring break, sunscreen would be it.

Use condoms.

Don’t follow tourist guides, they’ll only show you tourist traps and disappoint you.

Dance.

Don’t carry cash, that is just foolish. Carry traveler’s checks stuffed in your underpants or in your shoes where muggers are less likely to look.

Enjoy your body, but don’t let everybody else enjoy it.

Don’t speed through all those Southern states on your way to Florida. They don’t like that. They don’t think those “Smokey and the Bandit” jokes are funny, either.

If you think you shouldn’t wear a thong, you are probably right. Thongs are not for the timid. Most people who wear thongs shouldn’t. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

Bikini wax … ’nuff said.

You are corn-fed; get over it. No one is going to be fooled when you try to act like you’re one of those “cool” Iowans.

Dance. Dance every chance you get. It’s good for the cardio-vascular system and makes you part of the fun. Don’t be like those people who don’t dance because they think they look like idiots. Most people look stupid when they dance. Don’t let reality stop you on that one.

Don’t get drunk and have sex with strangers and then cry about it to your best friend just to do it again the next day. Take control of your destiny.

Protect your goodies. They are the only goodies you got.

And use condoms.

Don’t drink the water in Mexico. Montezuma’s Revenge is no joke. It really will make you sick. Bottled water is the only water you should drink.

And dance.

Don’t mess with Texas. They don’t like it when you do.

Be creative. There is more to do on spring break than drink yourself into a stupor.

Be polite to the locals. You may be on break, but they have to live there all the time.

Remember to always tip big. Don’t eat out at restaurants unless you are prepared to tip. Being from Iowa is no excuse.

Don’t be afraid to try new things. Don’t be foolish by trying just about anything any old person suggests.

Use condoms and dance. But not at the same time.

Don’t give money to people on the street; they will just spend it on drugs, booze and cigarettes. Don’t think that guy giving your lady friend flowers is doing it just to be nice; he wants money, too.

You may not like what we’ve got to say. Our advice might seem goofy.

But trust us on the sunscreen.

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Iowa State Daily Editorial Board: Sara Ziegler, Greg Jerrett, Kate Kompas, Carrie Tett and David Roepke.