Last Sunday “American Beauty” won five Oscars, sweeping the categories that count, for its brilliant portrayal of suburban life in America.

Some of this year’s worst excuses in filmmaking have been seen by millions. The Golden Raspberry Awards Foundation, which awards the worst movies of the year with a “Razzie,” released its list of big losers this year. Sadly enough, many of them took in big box office receipts.

The biggest dud this year was “Wild Wild West.” It took home five Razzies, including the big ones for worst picture, worst director, worst screenplay, worst original song and worst on-screen couple. Other recipients included Adam Sandler in “Big Daddy” and Jar-Jar Binks in “The Phantom Menace.”

In honor of the Oscars, and in light of the Razzies garnered by some colossal duds, I think we should look back at some of the worst movies ever made. If you’ve seen them then you’ll understand why I chose them.

Most of the really bad movies have been recent productions. I think the oldest really bad movie I ever saw was “Barbarella,” but I think that was intended to be campy. Aside from that, most bombs have exploded in recent years.

My collection of worst movies that I’ve had the agony of seeing include “Lost in Space,” “Batman and Robin,” “Wild Wild West” and “Mystery Men.” “On Deadly Ground,” starring, written and directed by Steven Seagal, is tied with “Mission to Mars” for the worst movie ever.

I didn’t have the privilege of paying to see “Lost in Space.” The only thing that prevented it from being a complete waste was Heather Graham. I may have hated the movie, but after the credits rolled it was all I could do to keep myself from looking for nude pictures of her on the Internet. Actually, “Boogie Nights” was on so I was saved the trouble of tying up the phone line. “Batman and Robin” was another movie I didn’t get to see in the theaters.

Whereas with “Lost in Space” people told me not to pay to see it in the theater, with “Batman and Robin” nobody would go to the Free Friday Flick with me. So I didn’t see it until Christmas when my parents rented it for me to watch. It was only because they paid for it that I felt obligated to watch it. Otherwise, I would have returned it mid-movie, which is what I did with one of the finalists for worst movie ever. Did I mention it was more than two hours long? Not only was it painful, but the pain dragged out for far too long.

One movie I did pay to see was “Wild Wild West,” which I saw last summer with my friend Chris. It wasn’t painful like “Batman and Robin” painful, but boring and predictable like Kevin Costner’s “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.”

I love science fiction as much as the next Trekkie, but giant mechanical spiders in the late 1800s defies even my suspension of disbelief.

Despite the few good jokes in the movie, most of it was a waste of time spent following a convoluted plot. It reminded me of one of those “Family Circus” cartoons where you follow the arrows as the kid runs around his neighborhood. It was more of a waste of film than “Revenge of the Killer Tomatoes,” which had no pretensions of being a good movie. I expected that from Will Smith but not Kevin Kline. Oh well.

I saw “Mystery Men” earlier this semester at a friend’s house. I remember the movie even though I was inebriated at the time, and the fact that I hated it so much while drunk means I don’t think I could ever see it sober without throwing something at the television. And since I like my television, we won’t be doing that. It’s not to say that the movie did not have promise, but that the characters in the movie were taking themselves seriously made the process of watching it painful. While it worked in “Bowfinger,” it flopped in Mystery Men. Even being drunk didn’t help, and that’s saying a lot.

“Mission to Mars,” which I saw as part of the free screening here in town, is tied for worst movie ever. The plot was bizarre and the dialogue was written by preschoolers, but the acting was really painful.

My girlfriend and I spent the entire time cringing at the lack of an editor, and when it was all over one of my friends calculated how much he gets paid by the hour to see how much he should have demanded to watch the movie. You know a movie is bad when the entire audience laughs and cheers when a main character gets killed. If you haven’t seen it, don’t.

The only movie comparable to “Mission to Mars” was “On Deadly Ground.”

Steven Seagal has made only one good movie, that being “Under Siege.” Aside from that, steer clear of his aisle in the video stores. “On Deadly Ground” was the only movie I have ever stopped watching and returned mid-movie.

While I don’t know how truly bad it might have been, I know it was bad enough halfway through that I didn’t need to watch any more.

So stay away from the movies I’ve listed here, and for the love of God, go see “American Beauty.” Remember, my dividends depend on it!

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Aaron Woell is a senior in political science from Bolingbrook, Ill.