Last weekend I saw “American Beauty.” I believe it is the finest piece of cinema ever produced, and many critics have equated it with Orson Welles’ “Citizen Kane.”

But despite the critical acclaim the movie has received, it has fallen short at the box office. According to Exhibitor Relations, the company that measures ticket sales nationwide, American Beauty took in only $70 million in box office receipts.

That number places it below such wastes of film as “Inspector Gadget” and “Pok‚mon.” Even Will Smith’s colossal dud “Wild Wild West” took in more than double what “American Beauty” earned.

This leaves me with the conclusion that the American people wouldn’t know a good movie from a hole in the ground, much less a good political candidate from a cheap suit and a $200 haircut.

The Iowa caucuses demonstrated just how out of touch the state is with the rest of the nation. Instead of close races, we had large margins of victory, and the Republican caucus clearly showed just how off-base voters in this state really are.

Let us not forget that Buchanan finished second in this state only four years ago, at a time when most upright humanoids had abandoned ideas of racial bigotry.

The success of Forbes in relation to McCain and the Gore pledge to save the dinosauric family farm have left me with the impression that in a democracy, most candidates will stoop to any level to secure your vote.

Forbes used to be a social moderate, at least in 1996. But he has found it politically expedient for him to smother the airwaves with talk of legislating family values and character, which any rational person knows is impossible.

Ditto for Gore’s pledge to save a cultural icon of America: the family farm. Shoes used to be made in houses and cars were once made in garages, but none of you would trade in your Nikes or Hondas for a return to simpler, more expensive times.

Basic economics tells us that large companies with greater resources are far more able to ride out financial downturns and produce goods more cheaply than any small enterprise.

The change to large corporate farms is inevitable and right as long as it is done with fair business practices.

Those issues aside, the biggest farce is any candidate who talks tough about trade with China. China is our fourth largest trading partner, right behind Japan, Canada and Mexico. The country provides us with everything from cheap and generic products to top-shelf DVD players.

If any candidate were to make good on his threat of trade restrictions, you would find your way of life turned seriously upside down. If you think the world economy is bad now, just wait until you freeze out the nation with the second largest GDP in the world.

The spineless pandering of many of the candidates, coupled with the lack of interest of most voting-age adults, has convinced me that democracy does not work. It is the greatest myth perpetuated by a society raised to believe that real life was like “Leave it to Beaver.”

Plato wrote The Republic more than two thousand years ago, and even then it was recognized that democracy was a sham.

People are uneducated and illiterate, and most have neither the time nor the inclination to concern themselves with the issues.

Do you really want someone who can’t make up his or her mind in McDonalds deciding who will be the next leader of the free world?

America did not start as a democracy, and it is not one now. Nor should it be. The greatest presidents were not popularly elected by the people. Washington was appointed by political and economic elites. Lincoln wasn’t even on the ballot in all the states when he saved the Union.

The truth is that people have different talents, and some are better at leading foreign policy or cutting economic agreements.

Experts are experts for a reason: They specialize in their fields and can do their jobs better than the average layperson.

You would not sit and consult with your doctor before a surgery, considering yourself an equal when deciding upon a course of action. Nor would you take your car to a mechanic and tell him which parts to replace, guessing at the problem because your vote was equal to his.

In this respect, your knowledge of the candidates and their abilities pales in comparison to insiders who know the issues and can decide which candidate would serve the nation best.

It was this political machine that got our past presidents elected, from Washington to Roosevelt.

In this light, I cannot in good conscience recommend that any of you vote in November. The decision should be left to those who know what they are talking about. As long as the dictatorship or oligarchy is benevolent, apathy is a good thing.

Going back to American Beauty, if you have not seen it, then you must. If you made excuses not to see it, then you are a fool.

If you saw it and did not like it, you have no heart. And I’m an expert.

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Aaron Woell is a senior in political science from Bolingbrook, Ill. Like a true Chicago Democrat, he voted early and often.