It’s Dec. 13. Garland and mistletoe have been adorning stores for a month and a half, lights are up all over Ames, and Pok‚mon are disappearing from shelves faster than you can say “Whose idea was that?”

Welcome to the holiday season.

Have you been to the mall lately? Thousands of shoppers, all looking frantically for that one item they cannot live without, all scrambling over each other, glaring each other down in the process.

It’s insane. But it’s a fun kind of insane, if you approach it the right way.

I like to think of the holiday shopping season as a game. You’re playing against every other shopper, but they don’t know it, which makes it much easier for you to win.

The game starts in your car on the way to the mall. You must be the first among the drivers around you to get to the mall. It doesn’t matter that they might not even be going to the mall. You still must beat them.

Do whatever it takes to win this portion of the game. Weave in and out to get the best position. Abandon the turn signal to throw the other drivers off. Cut people off, and when they honk and gesture crudely at you, just smile and wave back. It’s all part of the game.

The next part comes in the parking lot. You must find the closest parking spot. This may take some time, but don’t become impatient. Ignore the fact that you would be in the mall already had you just parked in the first spot you found. That spot was too far away.

Finally, you’re in the mall. This is the fun part of the game. You have two options at this point, depending on how far you are in your shopping. If you haven’t started shopping yet and it’s either Dec. 23 or Dec. 24, start with option one and then proceed to option two. If you are done shopping but have just come to the mall to play the game, skip option one and go right to option two.

Option one. You must be the first to get to whatever it is you are buying — no matter how unpopular or overstocked the item is.

First, sprint to the aisle where the item is found, knocking over as many people as possible on the way. In the correct aisle, pull toys/shirts/ties/lawnchairs off the shelves on your way down to the item you’re looking for. Once you’re to the item, grab it and hoist it above your head, screaming, “It’s MINE!” Repeat all steps until all items have been found.

Option two. You must make it more difficult for others to find whatever it is they are buying.

This can involve several different tactics. Stand in the middle of an aisle, impeding shoppers’ progress to their destinations. Hide certain popular toys behind other toys. Put non-sale items onto the sale rack. Buy the last video game and immediately return it. Repeat several times until escorted out of the store.

Let me warn you: The game is not for everybody. It takes a determined and desperate sort of person to win the game.

But if you are willing to brave the game, good luck.

Have a safe and joyful Christmas break. I’ll see you at the mall.

Sara Ziegler is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Sioux Falls, S.D. She is editor in chief of the Daily, and she won’t start shopping until Christmas Eve.