I’ve decided to end the semester on a positive note by talking about suicide. As a holiday dinner discussion topic it never comes up, but its prevalence in society cannot be underestimated.

School shootings and liquor store holdups are small potatoes compared to suicide.

Fewer than 19,000 people were killed in homicides last year, but more than 30,000 people willfully took their own lives.

Every year it is estimated that a half million Americans are treated in emergency rooms after trying to kill themselves.

As students go home for the holidays, it is entirely likely that depression will set in.

There are many reasons for the Christmas Blues, including dysfunctional families, week-old leftovers and crappy presents.

But despite all the perceived depression, suicide rates are lowest in December while they peak in May (Lester, Q&A about Suicide).

Despite the alarm sounded over recent increases in adolescent suicide rates, those numbers are only approaching the average. The most at-risk group is still white males over age 65. Under that age, suicide rates are relatively equal for men, although there is some fluctuation in women (whose peak is between 45-54).

Statistics show that women are four times as likely to attempt suicide as men, but men succeed twice as often. This means either women are incompetent or men just do it right the first time, although the numbers could be the result of methodological differences.

Men use firearms more often than women (64 percent vs. 40 percent), while women rely on poisoning (38 percent vs. 14 percent). While overdoses take longer and give hospital staff time to act, there isn’t much room for error with a firearm unless you have notoriously bad aim.

The numerous myths concerning suicide highlight the scientific community’s inability to correctly gauge the problem.

The rise in youth suicide baffled many researchers who thought it was the result of domestic abuse or parental neglect.

But many adolescents came from good homes with few clues given as to why they thought it was necessary to take their own life.

Contrary to popular belief, most people who commit suicide don’t write notes. Statistical evidence gathered shows that only 40 percent of people leave notes behind, which causes only confusion and questions for friends and relatives.

A study of suicide notes reveals that most people try to rationalize their suicide, to reconcile how they perceive themselves with how others will view their actions (Jacobs, Study of Suicide Notes).

The lack of a note hinders research into why people commit suicide, especially when the victim’s situation appears fine to outside observers. Common sense suggests that suicide would be more common when life is bad, and when things are good, people are less inclined to kill themselves. However, evidence gathered illustrates that this is not the case.

Two researches postulated in 1954 that when things are good, people have no external sources to blame and become depressed. This is based on the “if only” principle, which is illustrated by people saying “if only I had X, then life would be fine.”

But when people obtain X and find they are still unhappy, many become depressed. While a few can go from X to Y, always searching for a new goal to make them happy, researchers conclude that eventually the goal seekers realize their unhappiness (Henry and Short).

In a study in 1986, David Lester found that suicide rates increase as your quality of life improves.

This does not bode well for future millionaires or chemical engineers who seek the pot of gold at the end of the graduation rainbow. The evidence suggests that expensive toys do not make you happy. But then what does?

Clearly not intelligence.

Although research is limited, a study by Dr. Shaffer revealed that among adolescents, the majority of people who killed themselves had above-average intelligence (Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry).

This theory follows the model that geniuses have a higher incidence of psychological disorders and suffer accordingly.

This does not bode well for college students either, but hopefully there is a solution on the horizon.

While there is little evidence to suggest that suicide hot lines avert death, there is great promise that MAO inhibitor drugs like Prozac, Zoloft and Paxil will keep the masses on an even keel.

Even though there is concern about side effects of MAO inhibitors, as well as the morality of drugging up society, disregarding those benefits makes about as much sense as fearing your air bag.

Despite holiday suicide hysteria, the numbers show that most of you will be returning in January. The rest will be cowering in bunkers awaiting the apocalypse.

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Aaron Woell is a senior in political science from Bolingbrook, Ill. Ignorance may be bliss, but stupidity sucks.