This is getting old really fast. Kevin Smith came out of the gate a contender, but his latest “effort,” his magnum opus, “Dogma,” is just more of the same old psuedo-philosophical ramblings.

“Dogma” tells the story of Bethany, played by Linda Fiorentino (“Visionquest”), the last scion. She is an abortion clinic worker recruited by Metatron, the voice of God, played by the irrepressible Alan Rickman (“Die Hard,” “Truly, Madly, Deeply”) to stop two out-of-control angels, Bartleby and Loki, played by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.

Bartleby and Loki were kicked out of heaven for contradicting the Lord. Now, in modern day Milwaukee, they have found a loophole in Catholic dogma which will allow them to become human, have all of their sins forgiven and enter heaven upon their deaths. This would prove God fallible and thus cause the end of all creation.

Bethany is aided by two prophets, Jay and Silent Bob, Smith’s two recurring masters of mayhem and low-brow comedy relief.

They are joined by Chris Rock as the 13th apostle, Christ’s buddy who was left out of the Bible because he’s black.

That’s about it for plot synopses. The crew gets on the road to Red Bank, N.J.; they have a few boring adventures, a few half-interesting conversations about theology and tell a lot of junior high school variety potty jokes about pee-pees and woo-woos. Ironically enough, it is the potty humor that works best in this movie.

I finally figured out what it is about Smith’s movies that is so appealing on one level while it fails on all other fronts: This guy has way too much of the comic book store philosopher about him.

All of these great ideas Smith hits on may seem like deep thoughts to the average member of the viewing audience, but they are just bits and pieces of PBS and A&E documentaries on the Bible, the Gnostic texts and angelic lore.

Most of the intellectual content of “Dogma” could be gleaned by reading role-playing game books or watching “Highlander,” “The Prophecy” and “City of Angels” while trying to get your Magic-user up to the fifth level without any armor or heavy weapons.

Smith knocked the ball out of the park with “Clerks” — of that there is little doubt. He is a working-class filmmaker with Woody Allen aspirations of grandiosity.

But viewers should have realized upon seeing “Mallrats” that Smith was far too attracted to the base and banal to ever achieve the kind of legitimacy that Spike Lee was able to do through years of hard work and dedication to his craft.

For a fourth film, “Dogma” has far too many basic issues to ignore.

The script is a patchwork of problems. Every scene is like its own little episode of yawn-inspiring monologues.

First we get Damon and Affleck rambling on about how fun it is to mess with humans, then they rant on about how to get around the word of God in a scene which would have been much more interesting if it had been cut in half.

Then we get Jay and Silent Bob talking to the last scion about how they get to have sex with her if they are ever in a situation in which they know they have only five minutes left to live. This also counts as foreshadowing for Smith who should have spent more time in film school going to class than taking bong hits behind the physical education building.

Damon and Affleck did the best they could with this script, and you can see them putting up the effort in their scenes. But most of the time they act cutesy while playing up the “wouldn’t it be neat if angels were really like this?” aspect Smith was going for. This gets old fast. It is highly unlikely that angels would be this impressed with themselves.

Rickman’s performance was the best of the film. He played the frustrated Metatron with an impeccable deadpan delivery that smacked of angelic realism. You could believe an immortal servant of God in the modern world would act like this.

Salma Hayek shows up as an unemployed muse turned stripper. After showing up long enough to do her half-naked little girl stripshow routine, which added nothing of substance to the film’s story, unless confusion and bad acting are substantial.

Smith and Mewes as Silent Bob and Jay could get away with an entire movie dedicated to their juvenile antics, and it would probably fly. There is something amusing about the “Beavis and Butthead” factor. The two should just have their own “Cheech and Chong” series of films and stay away from philosophy.

Fiorentino was as dull as dishwater. Her character, though central to the plot, is never fleshed out. Her motivation is non-existent and she spends much of her screen time faking it the best she can.

Rock was a minor bright spot as Rufus. He is unashamed of his amateurish acting and shoves it in up to the hilt. He gives the audience a little something to giggle at by saying of Christ, “Knew him? The nigger still owes me $12!”

And the big debate over Alanis Morissette as God can stop right now. She was just a huge dork who smiled, acted like an idiot, winked at the camera as if to say “isn’t this irreverent?” and then scuttled off.

The controversy over “Dogma” is unwarranted. The film is not so much blasphemy as it is an indictment of organized religion and human failings.

It is worth seeing only because it is part of Smith’s body of work. Hopefully, the next one will be WORTH seeing.

2 STARS

Ratings based on a 5 STAR scale.

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Greg Jerrett is a graduate student in English from Council Bluffs.