You can get anything on the Net. At least that’s the rumor. Sports scores, tunes, dirty jokes, even term papers are a point-‘n-click away.

But how about what men really want — sex?

Ever since Adam pissed off Eve, Rosey Palm has been the easiest way for a man to get some lovin’. But can your hand bring the same simple, no commitment pleasure if it’s wrapped around a mouse?

Doubtful.

Not even in cyberspace is sex easy to come by. Sure, the teasers are there — 2,162 “sex” cites, according to Netscape — but you’re more likely to find a fan site dedicated to Vanilla Ice (there are three!) than to meet someone willing to have Net sex or real sex after a first chat.

In fact, chat rooms are much like night clubs. Both are packed with horny men who pretend they’re 10 years younger and audacious women who pretend they’re 10 years older. The women mingle with everyone in the room, while the men single out their targets and come on strong with an infectious one-liner.

For me, sipping on cheap beer and chilling in Chat Center’s Singles Room (www.chat-center.com), the approach was subtle: “Does anyone want to chat?”

Hoping for Badgirl to respond, I almost missed Kim’s “Sure.” We entered a private room (without paying by the hour) where I asked, “Would you be interested in taking my Net sex virginity?”

Her response: “got2go.”

There’s no official Sex on the Net Web site, however a few prance around the subject.

Art & Love on the Net (www.scarletnetter.org) fancies itself as a headquarters for net lovers. “There is something about forming a connection on the net that seems to just stick. Like a great solo, story or picture,” the site’s 10 authors claim.

But as for sexual opportunities, the site is lacking.

After scanning the features, which range from personals to advice, I came across something titled “You Came Inside Me.” Expecting at least a photo or two, I was let down to learn it was the title of a poem, which ended with the line, “I held my breath and felt sunshine come inside.”

Art & Love on the Net does offer its very own chat room, where only a nickname is required, but for being the premier site for Web lovers, I was disappointed to find an empty room on a Saturday evening.

What do these people do on weekend nights, go out?

Lust in Space (www. cyberg8t.com) is a similar page, designed “for those intrigued, fascinated, lured and otherwise hooked on the interdimensional relationships that evolve on this new horizon of cyberspace.” And while it offers plenty of counsel for married people feeling guilty for having an on-line affair, there’s no links for lovin’.

The best part of Lust in Space is the lettering is so clumped, all of the “click here’s” look like “dick here’s.”

Chat rooms are certainly the closest thing to a horny web surfer’s wet dream. Yahoo lists just over 100 rooms dedicated to getting laid from Free Love (www.freelove.com) to Nympho Chat (www.nymphochat.com).

Chatropolis (www.chatropolis. com), one of the largest, most active chat sties on the Internet, offers over 150 separate rooms catering to your own fetishes.

The Orgy, advertised as a “Sex Party!,” looked pretty tempting between Truck Stop (“General Chat”) and Water Works (“Golden Showers”).

Upon entering, which is cued to the prompt “Username: Flops on the pile of naked bodies …,” I interrupted a deep chat between Horny little girl and Shafdog 69 over just how little this horny girl is.

“I’m 16,” she types, prompting another chatter to write, “If you don’t leave, you will be kicked out by the mods, and your server will be notified.”

Not exactly sex talk.

So I offer my best line: “Anyone want to introduce me to some amazing Internet sex?”

No one responds.

Soon after, I realize this is not quite the sex party I had hoped for. In college, we call them Sausage Fests.

So I flop off the pile of uninteresting “naked bodies” and scan down to Role Playing, where I enter Fantasy Land. To no surprise, the room is empty.

Nothing like a black screen to make you feel sexually neglected.

At least I have my sports scores, tunes and dirty jokes.

Corey Moss is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.