Despite the extensive efforts of the Sexual Assault Response Team, the people who can most help survivors of a sexual assault are not trained professionals — they’re simply friends.

According to a survey conducted on campus by the Department of Public Safety in April of 1997, more than 63 percent of sexual assault survivors turn toward their friends for support after the assault.

“The survivor trusts the friend that they are going to,” said Patricia Harvey, coordinator of SART. “They may be blaming themselves a little bit, so they tell a friend who won’t blame them.”

Harvey said she thinks it is important for a survivor to tell a friend, but he or she also should contact SART at 296-6397 or Assault Care Center Extending Shelter and Support (ACCESS) at 232-5418, for help with other needs.

“It’s a good place to start, but it is still important to be seen by SART because they can tell her medical and legal options, as well as get her hooked up with counseling if she chooses,” she said. “A lot of people don’t like to talk about it because they don’t want to believe that it happened to them — they can deny it.”

Julie Wooden, sexual assault services coordinator at ACCESS, said it is important for a survivor to confide in a friend if the other option is not telling anyone.

“It’s good that they tell a friend rather than no one at all because it is something traumatic that has happened to them,” she said. “There are women who chose to carry the event with them their whole life without telling anyone, and that affects them.”

Wooden said it is important for the survivor to lean on the friend for support, but he or she has to realize that the friend is not a trained counselor.

“That friend can offer immediate support and help, but it is important to encourage the survivor to seek professional counseling when they are ready,” she said. “I think it is important that the friend also takes care of herself.”

Harvey said when survivors tell friends they have been sexually assaulted, the friends should listen and respond without placing blame.

Many friends of survivors wouldn’t think of blaming the survivor for the assault. However, Harvey said, a friend really needs to think about how some questions or comments might be misunderstood.

“Don’t stare, don’t ask for specifics, and don’t ask blaming questions, such as ‘Why did she do this?'” she said. “You just want to be there to support her and to be her friend.”

In addition, Wooden said friends should shy away from questions such as “How much did you have to drink?” “What were you wearing?” or “Why did you go to his room?” because such queries place blame on the survivor.

In her presentations about sexual assault, Harvey said she applies the BASER Model — Believe, Affirm, Support, Empower and Refer — to show how friends can help a survivor.

“It’s about giving control back to the survivor because when someone is assaulted, all control is taken away,” she said. “All of her choices in the situation were made by someone else.”

According to a DPS pamphlet, the four most important things one can communicate to a survivor are “I’m glad you are alive,” “It’s not your fault,” “You did the best you could” and “I’m sorry this happened.”

“By saying these four things, the friend shows that they don’t think it was the person’s fault, and that they don’t blame the victim for what has happened to them,” Wooden said.

Harvey said after a traumatic sexual assault, these sort of issues are running through a survivor’s head, and the victim needs to be positively reinforced.

“Help the survivor know this experience will cause a disruption,” she said. “But by hearing those four things, it will help her realize that she has to go through the whole grieving process, and she will recover.”

Helping a Survivor – The BASER Model

Believe what she says.

Affirm it is good that she is talking about what happened and is seeking help.

Support her by reminding her that what happened wasn’t her fault.

Empower her by helping her to educate herself on available resources.

Refer: Help her to find additional support.