A self-described “average Joe,” Jonathon Weaver doesn’t feel different. But he faces each day tagged with exactly that label; he is a gay man in a predominantly straight world.

Weaver’s life has been split into stages. They are the stages that every homosexual must deal with: coming to terms with his or her sexuality, the process of coming out and — once openly gay — coping with being “different.”

But Weaver wants to cut away that label. He wants people to know that homosexuals aren’t different, and he says understanding must be promoted for that to happen. Weaver, sophomore in history, has offered his story as a way to promote such understanding.

Weaver calls himself a “typical bastard child,” raised by an unwed mother and not having met his biological father until the age of 12. He likens his younger years to those of the average child, having gone through boyhood rites such as learning to ride a bike and spending summers in Little League.

“My early life wasn’t all that different from most,” he

said. “My mother had a man in her life, and he served as a father figure. We’d toss the ball around and that sorta stuff.”

Weaver doesn’t attribute his father’s absence or social factors to being gay. Though he admits that his life meets some of the criteria for theories that attempt to justify homosexuality, he doesn’t take stock in them.

“Placing blame or searching for explanations implies that something is wrong,” he said. “Homosexuality isn’t wrong, and it isn’t a psychological behavior that can be explained away.”

Weaver also emphasizes that homosexuality is not a choice.

“I don’t know a single homosexual person who believes that sexuality is a matter of choice,” he said. “And even if it were, why would anyone choose to be gay? There are no societal benefits to being homosexual, and you have to deal with ignorance and closed-mindedness.”

Around the age of 12, a boy’s mind starts to wonder. Puberty hits, and suddenly girls start to matter. The magic of hormones tightens its grip, and a boy becomes intoxicated with the ways of the woman.

Puberty didn’t miss Weaver. It hit him, too. But it wasn’t girls who turned his world upside down.

“I started having dreams and thinking about guys in a sexual way,” he said. “That was my first hint of my homosexuality.”

Weaver initially shrugged off his thoughts. He didn’t want to be — couldn’t be — gay. But as time passed, his homosexual urges did not.

He couldn’t ignore the dreams.

He couldn’t deny his subconscious.

Together, they made Weaver begin to see that he wasn’t going through a phase, that he couldn’t suppress the urges.

“If you dream about guys, then you’re probably gay. If you dream about girls, then you’re probably not,” he said. “Eventually, I began to realize that I needed to come to terms with my desires.”

It was Weaver’s first homosexual act that erased any doubts he had concerning his sexual orientation.

“I was 15 when I had my first sexual experience with another guy,” he said. “And thoroughly enjoying it cemented the issue of my being gay.”

Disgusted.

That’s how Weaver’s mother Cheryl describes feeling when she found out her son was gay. She wasn’t disgusted by his being gay, but by how she found out.

Pursuing his homosexual desires and curiosities, Weaver had viewed and downloaded gay pornography on his mother’s computer, and she later discovered the images.

“It took me by such surprise that I didn’t know how to react,” she said. “I was shocked, yes, but not unaccepting.”

Weaver and his mother were later able to sit down and discuss the issue.

“She was cool about it,” he said. “Almost too cool by looking for support groups and a supporting church that we could attend. I wasn’t yet ready to be that open.”

It would be several years before Weaver would be completely open about being gay.

He attended North High School in Des Moines and says that the environment was not accepting of homosexuals.

“It’s sort of ironic,” he said. “North is one of the most diverse schools in the state, with something like 27 different countries represented, but when it comes to homosexuality, people there are incredibly closed-minded and small-minded.”

Weaver spent most of his high school years alone, letting only a handful of close friends know that he was gay.

“You aren’t a faggot, are ya?!?” The Marine staff sergeant belted out the words without hesitation as he placed a copy of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in front of Weaver.

“I had spent three years in Junior ROTC in high school and joined the Marine Corps Reserve with the hopes of getting a degree and becoming a Marine Corps officer.”

Last spring, Weaver came to the conclusion that he wouldn’t be able to pursue his dream.

“I couldn’t live in a capacity where I’d have to pretend that I was straight and not be able to pursue life with other queer people.”

Weaver had wanted badly to make it in the military. But his reach for the top would come up short, all because he couldn’t openly be himself.

“I had joked with family and friends about making it up the ranks and being the first Marine president,” he said. “I was physically capable of making it, but mentally, I realized that it wasn’t a fair deal.”

With the Marines out of the picture, Weaver shifted his focus to college.

He had originally chosen Iowa State because of its Naval ROTC program, but he says he didn’t consider leaving after scratching the military from his plans.

Weaver arrived at Iowa State as most freshmen do: hauling and lugging and dragging his possessions into his residence hall home.

He still hadn’t become openly gay, so after placing his things into his dorm room closet, he himself “stepped inside,” remaining closeted for the first semester of his college career.

“I didn’t feel comfortable with coming out,” he said. “I’d been conditioned to keep it to myself, so that’s what I did when I got here.”

At the start of his second semester, when a close friend pointed out that there was support available, Weaver became aware of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Ally Alliance and started attending meetings.

“To be in an atmosphere where you knew people wouldn’t look down on you was great and very rejuvenating.”

Weaver started to open up about his homosexuality, becoming more involved with the LGBTAA community. He says people were generally accepting as he became more open.

“I’ve never had any major problems,” he said. “I think Iowa State is an overall good environment. The support you get from others is extremely helpful.”

While he has had no major incidents due to his sexual orientation, he says there have been uncomfortable moments.

“There are ignorant people who won’t take the time to understand people different from them, and that’s sad. I’ll hear about people talking behind my back or making jokes, but I generally ignore it.”

Weaver, who lives on Coover House in Storms Hall, said the residence halls have been a good environment for him.

“It can be very tough coming out in the residence halls, but if you’re open and honest, I think they are usually good places to be. I’ve lived on Coover all three years I’ve been here, and I want to continue living there.”

Weaver recalls only one incident in which his Alliance affiliation resulted in a display of anti-gay behavior on his floor.

“I had problems posting an Alliance poster last year. It would consistently get ripped down. I’d keep putting it back up, one time with around 100 staples, and someone would tear it down. This year, though, the same one has been up all year.”

Weaver also has found that he’s been able to be actively involved on campus.

He initially became involved as an associate justice and house treasurer for the Towers Residence Association and was elected last spring for his current position as a Government of the Student Body senator.

“Being gay may have made it tougher to get involved, but it hasn’t stopped me.”

“It’s easier done than thought about.”

That’s Weaver’s advice for students who are closeted and feel they can’t be open about their homosexuality.

“Just let go, and don’t be afraid,” he said. “It might be a little rough at first, but being able to be yourself is more than worth it. You’ll find support; there are a lot of loving, caring people out there who will go to bat for you.”

As for the future, Weaver plans on pursuing graduate studies in history at ISU and exploring the possibility of later doing teaching and research in an area of history.

And he has family plans, too.

“I want to settle down with a life partner and have kids, whether through adoption or otherwise,” he said. “I have a strong desire to carry on my family name.”

Meanwhile, Weaver hopes that people with negative attitudes toward homosexuals will attempt to be more understanding and ask questions if they aren’t sure about a homosexual issue.

“Homosexuals don’t approach life differently than straight people,” he said. “We have hopes and goals and dreams like everyone.”