Nothing gets the blood pumping like watching big, sweaty Vikings kick the hell out of people.

“The 13th Warrior” has plenty of action to satisfy even a Schwarzenegger-sized bloodlust, while providing enough intellectual stimulation to keep you on your toes.

The story is simple enough. Antonio Banderas plays Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan, a poet and scholar banished from Baghdad, the height of civilization in the 10th century.

His only crime was falling in love with a beautiful woman who happened to belong to a man powerful enough to have him shipped off to some ungodly northern country as an ambassador.

While traveling, his caravan is pursued by Tartars, who back off only when the chase leads them to the encampment of a group of Norsemen.

The Tartars don’t want any of that action, and the Arabs have no clue.

The Arab caravan camps with the Vikings for a time until a messenger boy arrives to ask the Northmen to help King Hrothgar and his people against an ancient and terrifying enemy, whose name may not be spoken aloud.

All that can be said is that they eat the dead and scare the hell out of the otherwise fearless Vikings.

A soothsayer is called in to advise the warriors on the best way to proceed.

She tells the band that 13 warriors must go and the 13th warrior cannot be a Northman.

Ibn is the obvious choice.

Reluctantly, he goes on the journey and soon shows himself to be an awkward asset. Smaller and more civilized than the Vikings, he is the butt of many jokes. He fashions a scimitar out of an enormous Norse broadsword and one of the Vikings says, “When you die, can I give it to my daughter?”

They pick on his little horse, too, calling it a dog and barking, “Only an Arab would bring a dog to war.”

At this point, Ibn jumps his horse over one of the mounted Vikings, knocking him into the mud. “Your dog can jump,” says the Viking.

There is a surprisingly good scene in which Ibn learns to speak Norse. Usually, linguists don’t get as much action on screen as sex and violence, but this one is worth mentioning. Ibn spends a great deal of time watching how the Vikings behave.

He is amused by their crude ways but put off by some of their more disgusting habits, like group bathing in a single bowl of water.

As he slowly begins to understand their language, the occasional word of English creeps into their speech.

Slowly, more English words crop up until everyone is speaking in heavily accented English.

One of the band insults Ibn’s mother, and for the first time, he responds with a cutting insult in Norse. The Vikings are quite impressed.

Upon arriving in Hrothgar’s kingdom, the 13 warriors find a band of frightened and harried villagers who tell tales of horrifying creatures that appear to be part bear and part man. Sometimes they walk upright and sometimes on all fours.

They also tell of a fire worm that comes down from the mountains, consuming the forest in its wake before those whose name cannot be spoken appear from the mist to kill and eat everyone in their path.

The cast does a fine job of playing Vikings the way Vikings would undoubtedly like to be portrayed: as big, happy fatalists who lived and fought to the best of their ability because they believed that their lives would last not one second longer than predetermined by fate.

This philosophy is demonstrated throughout the film as the band sails rough seas, fights mysterious enemies and parties like it’s 999, all while laughing, singing and cavorting.

There is not one horned helmet in this movie, either. Director John McTiernan, who did “Die Hard,” wanted as much realism as he could muster in this film.

Vikings are terribly easy to stereotype as big, hairy, two-dimensional warriors.

This film shows them as a real people with a vibrant culture and appreciation for life.

It’s part “Beowulf” and part “Ali Baba,” but “The 13th Warrior” is all good. See it twice and if you don’t come out of the theater feeling like you’ve just had your mind blown, then you must have fallen asleep before the climactic battle scene.

4 stars

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Greg Jerrett is a graduate student in English from Council Bluffs.