Editor’s note: The following is a continuing journal of a fictional college student. It is intended to be a humorous and enjoyable feature about an average Joe. Though written by Iowa State’s own Scott Jacobson, a Daily staff writer, people, places and events detailed below are not analogous to a real student.

Sept. 10, 1999

So there I was, checking my e-mail, wishing I had mail from someone other than collegestudent.com, Bill Gates or my mom, when I noticed that one of my old high school friends had sent me a joke.

Now, normally I delete these jokes without hesitation. After all, there are only so many funnies you can hear about farmers, priests and presidents. Especially when they’re all in the same joke.

But this one was different.

It was an Iowa-Iowa State joke and even though I’ve heard the one about the wall around Iowa City a dozen times and the one about the rabbit, the frog and the duck too many times to count, my curiosity was still aroused.

It went something like this:

A Hawkeye, a Cyclone and Claudia Schiffer are sharing a car on a train.

My first thought is “Who takes the train any more?” OK, actually my first thought was, “Mmm … Claudia Schiffer.” But my second thought was about the train. Back to the joke.

A Hawkeye, a Cyclone and Claudia Schiffer are sharing a car on a train.

The train goes through a tunnel, and everything goes dark. All that can be heard is the sound of a kiss followed by a loud slap.

When the train comes out of the tunnel, the Hawkeye is sitting there confused with a bright red handprint on his face while the Cyclone and Claudia Schiffer sit there expressionless.

The Hawkeye thinks to himself, “I can’t believe it. That Cyclone kissed Claudia Schiffer, and she got mad and slapped me by mistake!”

At the same time Claudia thinks, “Hmm … that Hawkeye must have tried to kiss me, but kissed the Cyclone instead and got slapped for it.”

As these thoughts are going through their heads, the Cyclone sits quietly and thinks, “I can’t wait to go through another tunnel so I can make a kissing sound and slap that stupid Hawkeye.”

That made me giggle.

Not that I support violence, but just the thought of lightly slapping a Hawk fan made me smile.

But then I realized that I was wrong. We shouldn’t let our differences divide us. Can’t we all just get along?

This weekend, thousands of Hawk fans will pour into Ames. They’ll bring their black and gold flags and their Tim Dwight replica jerseys, and it’s our job as good hosts to welcome them with open arms, not with closed fists.

The way to achieve this feat? Tailgating.

Instead of letting this weekend break into an all-state civil war, we need to embrace our enemies and celebrate our similarities.

They hate Nebraska. We hate Nebraska. Well, except for last weekend.

They like grilled burgers and cold beer. We like cold beer.

From the way it sounds, our annual CCJ Beat Iowa tailgate will be a fine blend of black and cardinal and gold, but we’re all just looking forward to having a good time.

Even my Crazy Uncle Joe is invited, and he once said Iowa’s Jess Settles is more of a Big 10 icon than Magic Johnson. But that was shortly after his accident with the fishing pole and the ceiling fan, so we let that comment slide.

So here’s our plan, and I suggest a similar one for all my fellow Cyclones hosting Hawkeye guests.

Before the game, tailgate together and don’t even think about the rivalry. In fact, pretend we’re playing Drake.

During the game, cheer for your respective team and don’t brag too much when we extend our winning streak to the deuce.

And after the game? Build on past examples.

For a decade and a half, the Hawks dominated our series. However, we didn’t let that kill our positive attitudes. In fact, one of my best weekends in college came on the heels of an ISU loss in Iowa City. We shrugged our shoulders, said, “Maybe next year,” and danced all night at The Union whenever they weren’t playing the Iowa fight song.

What happened last year? We stomp their sorry souls into the ground on their home turf and they all go home, not willing to show a little heart and hospitality. We still shrugged our shoulders, said, “Maybe next year we’ll do it again,” and danced all night at The Union while singing the ISU fight song.

So this weekend, before, during and after the big game, it’s my personal goal to treat every Iowa fan with dignity and respect and welcome them to our friendly little town.

And if someone doesn’t like it? I’ll just make a kissing sound and slap that silly Hawkeye.